Lewis’s wife on an airplane, strikes up a conversation with the geeky computer programmer sitting next to her.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“I’m going to San Jose,” says the geek, “to a UNIX convention.”
Later, Lewis picks his wife up at the airport.
“How was the flight?” he asks.
“OK, I guess,” she says. “I sat next to this guy I felt really sorry for.”
“Why’d you feel sorry for him?”
“He didn’t have any testicles.”
“What!” Lewis was shocked. “And just how did you learn that?”
“Because he said he was going to a eunuchs’ convention.”
I was meeting a friend in a bar, and as I went in I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.
“Nine,” I heard one whisper as I passed.
Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.
“I don’t want to ruin it for you,” he said, “but when I walked in, they were speaking German.”
During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, “Hey, I know I’m in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers borders on the ridiculous!”
“The crackers are complimentary,” the voice at the other end coolly explained. “I believe, sir, you are complaining about your room number.”
Two blondes drive into a lumberyard. The passenger gets out of the truck, walks up to a worker, and says she needs a bunch of four-by-twos.
“You mean two-by-fours?” the worker asks.
“Hm, I’m not sure,” the blonde says. “I’ll go check.”
She walks back to the truck, and the two blondes consult a book.
“Yeah,” she says after getting the answer. “I meant two-by-fours.”
“All right,” says the worker. “How long do you need them?”
This time, the sweet young thing didn’t even need to consult the book.
“A really long time,” she says. “We’re gonna build a house.”