The Befouled Weakly News

19 September 2010

Good morning to you all on a gorgeous if somewhat chilly weekend. It’s bright and sunny, the sky is clear and shockingly blue but the temperature is suggesting that Autumn may not be too far away. No frost yet but there is that decidedly cool feeling which makes one take notice. The heating went on yesterday and there may be a fire in the lounge wood burner before too much longer. Hopefully, we’ll get a few more weeks of relatively moderate temperatures before it really starts to turn but I have to say, this seems ominously early for my liking.

It’s been a hectic and busy week, so busy that I’ve even had to work for a couple of days. Some mistake surely! When I say “busy” of course I mean that it’s been a struggle to get all the sports in. Not only do we have the baseball season to conclude (shame about the Dodgers and the Red Sox but just wait ‘til next year), but there’s also the start of the football season, both the NFL and college. I’m telling you, it’s a challenging task to get through it all (and, I don’t even record everything that’s on).

Speaking of baseball, we just heard the good news from our friend and neighbour Pete that the book of his adventures is to be published! You will all remember, I’m sure, how he set out to see a baseball game in every major league baseball stadium and at least one game in each of the fifty states; indeed, many of you hosted him on his travels. Yesterday morning he came over to share the news with us, clutching the contract which the publishers have asked him to sign and return to them. The title is still somewhat undecided and I’m not sure it will be out in time for the Christmas rush but when we have further details I’ll let you all know. Part of the condition of the contract is that the Diary of his journey has to be removed from the web so, if you want to have a brief reminder of what it’s all about go to Heaven or Iowa before the diary is replaced by a page advertising the availability of his book.

As if that wasn’t exciting enough, some of the more regular visitors to will already have discovered that there are now some short video clips of some of the performances from the Royal Command Variety Performance in the Stragapalooza section. Many apologies in the first instance – the quality is not great (I shot these clips on a Flip camera I had which is of a similar quality to what you might shoot on your mobile phone) and, worst of all, several of the performances did not get recorded at all. I know that I missed the first few performances because (a) I forgot that I had brought the camera to the lake and then (b) when I went looking for it I had trouble finding it. So, my “toast” to absent members, Grandpa’s introductory remarks and Sallie, Rod, Amelie and Ash’s performance of the Incy Wincy Spider regrettably didn’t get recorded. Also, for some reason which I cannot remember, Sandy and Carol’s “Six Suckers on the Line” skit is missing as is the grand finale (although I’ve put the words and music online so you can perform it for yourself). So, after that caveat, knock yourselves out! You’ll find it on the Stragapalooza page.

Finally, I ran across this link in the Guardian the other day – it’s a series of photographs of a bear in a zoo in Finland doing some morning stretches. Many of you will know that I too do similar stretches every morning although I think I’ve still got a lot of work to do to get as good as this.

Love to you all,


This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?"

The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do."

"I got one too... see?"

"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."

Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?"

"Why, actually, yes, I do."

"I do too! See? It's right here!"


The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?"

And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?"

"Yep, got my double bed right in back here — see?!"

The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off.

Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it.

The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada. The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out.

The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"

"Check this out — I got a double bed installed in my Rolls."

And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"

A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."

When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.

"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.

Five doctors went duck shooting one day. Included in the group were a general practitioner, a paediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead.

The first to react was the G.P., who raised his shotgun -- but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky thereafter. This time the paediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him and said, "Go see if that was a duck, will you?

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