The Befouled Weakly News
4 April 2010
So, we lost an hour’s sleep last weekend but not only that, as soon as British Summer Time kicks in the weather takes a dramatic and exceedingly unhelpful turn for the worse! It turned freezing with sleet and snow almost immediately “summer time” began. If there was ever a reason for stopping this nonsense, surely that was a sign! We’ve had the cold temperatures, gales and sheets of rain while Scotland and Northern Ireland have had the bulk of the snowfall.
So much for Spring “bursting” forth!
We had an intriguing and, at the time, somewhat bizarre experience during the week. It was about 7.30 or so and Penny was just in the process of dishing up some dinner when the doorbell rang. Standing on our door step was a fellow from the village whom we know on a casual basis; we’ll nod and say “hello” to each other as we pass or should we see one another at a village social event such as the recent Quiz. But, he is certainly not what one would call a “friend” and his arrival on our door step in the early evening was somewhat puzzling.
Naturally, we invited him in with greetings such as “How nice to see you?” and “What a pleasant surprise!” and so on. In he comes and we slowly make our way to the kitchen, continuing the exchange of pleasantries initiated at the door. “So, are you keeping well?” and “What about this crazy weather?” and the like.
This small talk continued for about five minutes. “So, are you still working?” and “Still making those parachute things, are you?” and “How about you – have you retired yet?” Every so often Penny and my eyes would meet amidst two quizzical expressions – “What on earth is he doing here?” we both silently mouthed.
In the end, after about ten minutes, I can’t remember whether one of us eventually asked what we could do for him but I have the feeling that he finally suggested that we might be wondering why he had come by?
Indeed, we were wondering.
It turns out that he had come to the wrong door. He was actually looking for Sally next door who was after him to give her a quote for some landscape gardening in their back yard. After conceding this important fact, he shuffled out the door again and we were left thoroughly bemused.
Such an exciting life we lead!
I hope everyone is following David’s blog while he is in Japan – if not, you can find it here. He did concede that he was a little bit worried that it wasn’t terribly “interesting” at the moment. Heck, if there was a requirement for this stuff to be “interesting” 99% of it would never see the light of day including, of course, the Befouled Weakly News.
Finally, loved the following:
Love to you all,
A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big -- 6'2" -- and strong as a longhorn and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally became of age he applied to the only place he had dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a big mess of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's final interview.
"You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot," the Chief Deputy says. "So far your qualifications all look good. But we have what you call an 'attitude suitability test' that you must take before you can be accepted."
"Yes, sir," the boy replied.
"We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son."
"No, sir!" he answer.
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief says:
"Take this pistol and go out and shoot:
"A rabbit?" the kid replies. "Why the rabbit?"
"Great attitude, son," says the Chief Deputy, putting the pistol back in his drawer. "When can you start?"
Tide Detergent: It Gets the Stains Out!
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best.
Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.
Well, one thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative.
Then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go -- I have to write to the Hefty Bag people.
(A bit crude this one so apologies if anyone is offended. You can always look away now).
I was really peeved when I lost out on winning the pub quiz, by only a single answer.
The crucial question was, “Where do women mostly have curly hair?”
Apparently, the correct answer is “Africa”.