The Befouled Weakly News
18 October 2009 Oops! My sincere apologies for neglecting to inform you that this week’s Weakly News might arrive early (or not at all) – we are off to our friends Sue and Stuart’s on the south coast this morning and won’t be home until tomorrow evening. I know that some of you need several days’ warning of a disruption in distribution and that one or two of you need to make appointments with your therapist to come to terms with the interruption. So, the dilemma we face – should we do it now or should we merely inform you of our inability to deliver tomorrow. Since there is very little to relate, I suppose we might as well provide this edition a day early – I guess you could always pretend that it didn’t arrive until tomorrow? We had a very pleasant visitor on Tuesday evening – our favourite diplomat, Jordan Ryan, was in the UK for a conference only about 30 miles away from here so he came for the evening/night which resulted in a most pleasant visit. It seems that we were the culmination of a somewhat hectic week for Mr Ryan. He left New York last Wednesday travelling to Los Angeles and then on to Tonga & Samoa to inspect the damage caused by the recent Tsunami. It turns out his flight out of New York was delayed so that he missed his connection in LA and eventually ended up arriving somewhere in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. Meetings followed meetings and inspections followed inspections and then it was on to London where he arrived on Sunday for conferences on Monday and Tuesday. As his flight back to New York wasn’t until late Wednesday afternoon, Ms Playchute collected him from Ditchley Park while I was entertaining the staff of a nearby primary school with fantastical tales of how their new Learning Platform could transform the way they teach and the way children learn. Still, we both arrived back in Byfield at roughly the same time and it was a delight to be able to entertain him. Pen’s folks came up for dinner and similarly enjoyed reminiscing about Webb days forty years ago. We even got him to his plane out of Heathrow on time so he’s now back in New York continuing to do good things. Goodness knows how he stands the pace! Wednesday was also the day when Nick and Lucy set off on their second honeymoon – they called in on their way to the airport to exchange greetings with Jordan. As we speak, they are enjoying the fall foliage in New England (here’s hoping it’s still as sensational as it was when we were there). Having said that, I’m not quite sure how this all works out with them having a second honeymoon within two months of being married. Immediately after the wedding they went to Cyprus, of course. And now, they’re off to New England. I think Penny and I had to wait until we’d been married nearly thirty-eight years before we could get away for our second honeymoon – just this past month! I know they were looking forward to seeing everyone in the East and I’m sure they’re having a grand time. The other individual who is going to be distressed by our departure this weekend is our Molly who hasn’t quite worked out that she’s off on another holiday this morning. She’ll stay with her friend Polly who lives in the village and has looked after her in the past. And, it is only one night, not the four weeks we left her before so hopefully she won’t hold the grudge too vigorously. Nothing else so love to you all, Greg A married couple in their early 60 ' s were celebrating their 40th Wedding Anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, "For being such a wonderful married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish." The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 93 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female. A guy meets a childhood pal. "What are you doing for yourself these days?" "I'm a fireman," his old friend replies. "Yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman," says the guy. "Well," says his friend, "if you want some good advice, you've got to install a pole in your house that will go to the basement so your kid can practice, because the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night." Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again. "Well, did your son become a fireman?" "No," moans the guy, "but my daughter is a stripper." "Where is my Sunday paper?!" the irate senior citizen yelled into the phone when the newspaper office clerk answered. "Ma'am?" the clerk replied, a bit confused. "Where is my Sunday paper!?!" she repeated, even louder than the first time. "I only get one paper a week from you cretins, because it takes me that long to read it! And it's not here! Can't you idiots do anything right?!" "Ma'am", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow -- on Sunday." There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition. "Well, hell," she said, her voice finally calm. "So that's why no one was at church today."
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