The Befouled Weakly News
11 October 2009 Good morning from a damp, misty, drizzly beautiful downtown Byfield – I guess the vacation really is over. It seems that the UK has enjoyed four weeks of clear, warm and sunny weather during our absence; the day we flew back into London it started to rain. Oh well, plus ça change. Before leaving New England we had the pleasure of an evening at Hemingways in Killington, Vermont. We drove from the Lake in tandem with Sandy and Pam and had another wonderful meal before continuing on to Hanover while Sandy and Pam returned to the Lake. The fall colours on the way over were magnificent and we were able to get a somewhat convincing photograph before the main event.
Monday it was on the 1.00 pm Dartmouth Coach to the airport. At least this time they did provide a vehicle with Wi-Fi so I was able to do a bit of e-mailing en route. The film provided was the thoroughly forgettable Hard Days Night. Got to the airport in plenty of time and although there was no upgrade awaiting my arrival (the plane was full), at least I had been able to secure the last two bulkhead seats which gave us that little bit of extra leg room to make the journey somewhat more tolerable. At any rate, it’s only a six hour flight so perfectly bearable. Three half decent films helped the time pass: firstly, I watched The Hangover which had been “pitched” to us by Jordy when we saw him at the reunion as the funniest film he’d seen in sometime. It was, indeed, a tolerably amusing story about some friends who go on a stag weekend in Las Vegas where they “lose” the groom; they spend the film trying to remember and to reconstruct what went on during the night before in their efforts to locate the groom and make it back to Los Angeles in time for the wedding. The other two were both recent Woody Allen efforts (who I almost invariably enjoy). The first was Whatever Works which stars Larry David as a Woody Allen incarnation, with all his anxieties and phobias who is leading a bohemian lifestyle in New York City and getting by with “whatever works”. The second of the two was Vicky, Christina, Barcelona which stars Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz amongst others. Two girlfriends on a summer holiday in Spain become enamoured with the same painter, unaware that his ex-wife, with whom he has a tempestuous relationship, is about to re-enter the picture. If you like Woody Allen’s work you will enjoy either of these. Wednesday we collected Miss Molly from our friend Jo and her three children who had been happily looking after her for us. Apparently they had a most enjoyable time and although Pen was somewhat apprehensive that Molly would be more than somewhat displeased at having been left for four weeks, there was not a bit of it. She was delighted to see us and anxious to ensure, during the time we chatted with Jo, that we made no attempt to leave the premises without her. She’s settled back in to her usual routine of sleeping most of the day. And so, it’s back to normal with the slight exception that I am not travelling in to Oxford to work every day. So far, the work has been completed from home and this coming week I am off to run a staff training session for a school one afternoon. I’ve got a few phone calls to make to set up discussions with a few other schools just to ensure that we generate enough work to keep our creditors at bay. We’ll let you know how we get on. The last bit of exciting news is that Jordy is coming for a visit on Tuesday evening. He is at a conference only about twenty miles from here and e-mailed to enquire whether we would welcome an overnight visitor so naturally we leapt at the opportunity. We’ll collect him on Tuesday after his conference finishes and deliver him to Heathrow on Wednesday afternoon for his flight home. He’s quite the jet-setter in his new role but, given the amount of time it’s taken me to shake the jet lag this time round, I do wonder how he copes with flying to Samoa one week and London the next. If he passes on any clues or hints for coping with all that travel, I’ll let you know. Love to you all, Greg When Jane initially met Tarzan of the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied. Jane explained to him what sex was. Tarzan said, "Oh. Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong,...but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground. "Here" she said, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his Loincloth showing Jane his considerable manhood and stepped closer, and then gave her a mighty kick right in the crotch! Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?" Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel." A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty -- except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. "Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan. "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone. "Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?" persisted Satan. "Yep," was the calm reply. "And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope," said the old man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me, old man!?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years."
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