The Befouled Weakly News
4 October 2009 As most of you will know, the Penny & Greg travelling road show has now moved to the East Coast for the final week. On Monday morning we left Ben and Donna’s at a ridiculously early hour for the ten minute shuttle ride to LAX and discovered, to our dismay, how the recession has affected the airline industry – American Airlines threatened to charge us $30 each for our first checked bag and $50 for the second! Fortunately, either we had booked our flights before the charges were introduced or because our itinerary was part of a larger international excursion, we were excused. The general effect of the charge, of course, is that fewer people check their bags which results in just about everyone having a multitude of carry on bags, in spite of the rules, most of which fit into the overhead lockers only with the assistance of a tame elephant whose job it is to cram them in. We also discovered that American no longer serves food on transcontinental flights but the web site did assure us that food would be available for purchase. So, we were forced to stock up with some supplies at the extortionate airport prices to ensure that we did not fade into oblivion through starvation. At least we were able to change our seats at check-in. They had very considerately originally assigned us seats behind one another but fortunately they were able to sort us out by placing us in the very back row next to the toilets. Never mind, it was only a five and a half hour flight which was, in fact, very comfortable and very quick – we landed in Boston about twenty minutes early. In addition to charging for checked luggage and food, they also now sell rather than lend you a headset with which to view the movie. I had my iPod earphones so I was set but we needed to purchase one for Pen. Unfortunately, neither the headset provided nor the jack plug in her arm rest worked so we were compelled to ask the stewardess to carry out the exceedingly difficult task of refunding our $2.00. Since they do not accept cash this necessitated an additional credit card transaction which hopefully will balance out the original charge. I don’t know why they can’t be trusted to handle cash but if I end up getting charged $200 I’ll let you know. It was a lousy film anyway. On our last night in LA, Ben and Donna took us out to dinner to the Saddle Peak Lodge which is up Malibu Canyon. Apparently, the place was “originally a way stop and general store along a rugged mountain trail [and] evolved in the twenties into a summer camp known as Crater Camp with rustic cabins, fishing camps, motorcycle runs and healthful recreation in the mountain air. The Lodge had always been a simple dry-goods, beer and sandwich shop. After being discovered by Hollywood, it began a new era of its wildly romantic history. Featured in many movie classics, it served as resting place and roadhouse for stars from the nearby ranches of Warner Brothers, Paramount and Twentieth Century Fox. Errol Flynn, Clark Gable, with their Bugattis, starlets and fellow cast members, were frequent guests, bringing with them the glamour and mystery of the silver screen. From Mary Pickford and Charlie Chaplin, who, with Herbert Hoover, were said to have built their famous New Mexico hunting lodge with designs from the Saddle Peak, to Milton Berle, Ernest Borgnine and today’s theatre, film and music industry leaders, the Lodge has remained a Hollywood in-place.” The location and ambiance were outstanding and although the vegetarians amongst you won’t appreciate this too much, they specialise in game meats. Pen, Ben and I all had the Trio which consisted of Elk, Antelope and Ostrich, each of which was simply outstanding. Our universal favourite was the Elk with cherry and smoked bacon reduction. Even having the waiter pout half a glass of water down my back couldn’t spoil an outstanding evening. We got to Boston and had to wait only just over an hour for the Dartmouth Coach which the driver proudly informed us was one of their brand new coaches. Pity that the audio in the seats we were occupying didn’t work so we had to move to watch the video – fortunately there was no $2.00 charge for the use of the headsets and a young lady who had seen the video before was quite willing to exchange seats with us. To add insult to injury, there was no WiFi on this brand new coach which I found somewhat peculiar; it’s always been there on all the previous coaches I’ve travelled on in recent years. Mom and Dad met us at the Hanover Inn and we were transported off to Kendle. Since we had missed dinner we availed ourselves of Dad’s offer of a grilled cheese sandwich and made our way up to the Farmhouse for a very pleasant slumber. Tuesday we visited our favourite establishment in the Hanover region – Farm Ways in Bradford, Vermont. Many of you will know that this place sells everything for everyone at discount prices. Pen found the carpenter jeans she had been looking for all over Los Angeles and was forced to concede that I had been correct in my assumption that Farm Ways would have them. Please take special note of this date – it is unusually rare that I am ever correct in just about anything. Wednesday we drove over to the Lake and had the opportunity to witness some gorgeous fall foliage enroute. It was wonderful, as always, to be there and Sandy and Pam were in fine form. It was also a distinct pleasure to be able to visit with Carol who is currently providing some slave labour redecorating the White House. On Thursday Penny and I drove up to the Adirondack Museum at Blue Mountain Lake. Although the day was overcast (and, indeed, it snowed at various points during the afternoon) the fall colour was still stunning and the museum itself was outstanding. If you’ve not been there make sure you make the effort next time you’re here. It is essentially an exhibit of life in the Adirondacks from the earliest times to the present. It’s in a beautiful location, overlooking Blue Mountain Lake, and the exhibits are exceedingly well done. I can never come away from these types of exhibitions marvelling at the courage, strength and endurance of the early settlers and others who “tamed” the wilderness. Back to the Lake to await the arrival of Lila from Cleveland, a long-lost friend of Penny’s from her convent days in Kenya. Sometime ago, Pen had found the web site of the Loreto Convent she had attended while the Butlers were in East Africa and posted a message to see if anyone had any news of her best friend Lila. Lila herself similarly discovered the web site, found Penny’s post and replied and the two have been exchanging book-length e-mails ever since. Lila now lives in Cleveland, only an hour or so by air from Albany, so it was arranged that she would join us for a few days whilst we were at the Lake. Having provided her with precise and detailed instructions (7.2 miles after the traffic light in Whitehall turn left on to route 6 sign-posted to Huletts Landing; at 8.3 miles you will see a discarded beer can on the left-hand side of the road; at 9.6 miles you will see a collection of garbage cans but only if it is a Monday, etc.), we awaited her arrival and she finally rolled in at about 10.30. Forty-two years of catching up started immediately and the two of them chatted away in an animated and vigorous fashion until sometime after midnight and Friday and Saturday were spent in much the same manner. She flies back to Cleveland this afternoon only shortly before we head back to Hanover for our flight back to the UK on Monday evening. Now that the two have made physical as well as virtual contact, we’ll look forward to entertaining her in the UK when she can manage it. And, so there you have it: the journey is almost complete – back to the semi-retired/part-time grind and a new adventure as an independent educational ICT consultant. I think I prefer the vacation. And finally, it’s that time of year again – the Ig Nobel prizes were awarded this week. I know you can hardly wait!
Love to you all, Greg I think I’ve used this before but after our experience on American Airlines this week I thought it was worth repeating. Attendant: Welcome aboard U.S. Airways, sir. May I see your ticket? Passenger: Sure. Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please! Passenger: What for? Attendant: For telling you where to sit. Passenger: But I already knew where to sit. Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy. Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it. Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not? Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this. Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you? Passenger: That would be swell, thanks. Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please. Passenger: What? Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee. Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it. Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, And fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10. Passenger: No way! Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me? Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee. Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this. Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you? Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it? Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes. Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air? Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents. Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar? Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go! Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar. Attendant: Yes, there's a change-making fee of 25 cents. Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this? Attendant: Hang onto it, it'll probably come in handy later. Passenger (finally getting suspicious): What for? Attendant: You may need it later for the lavatory.
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