The Befouled Weakly News

27 September 2009


My goodness – how have we managed to do so much in such a short period of time? I think we’ll need a vacation once we get home.

We arrived at Ben and Donna’s on Sunday evening and had a great reception from both of them as well as from Aibo who undoubtedly remembered the lovely lady who enjoys taking him for long walks along the beach. Monday was “shopping for England” day as we toured a couple of local malls and purchased a variety of items including the fixings for a herb garden. Ben and Donna recently had a tree removed in a corner of the back garden conveniently situated for the kitchen and so Pen had this idea to build a number of raised garden containers in which a variety of herbs could be strategically placed. As it happens, the local garden emporium (we were delighted to see the Monrovia sign and products prominently displayed) had just initiated a “Herb Starter Kit” with an offering of ten herbs, some good growing and planting stuff and “free” gardening gloves so we filled the boot/trunk of the car with an excellent selection – a couple of types of basil, parsely, oregano, sage, rosemary, etc. Then, it was off to Home Depot to secure some lengths of 6 x 2 redwood planks with which to construct the beds. The construction took place on Thursday and although the weather was sweltering for some bizarre reason we all had good fun in the process and the finished product looks great. Hopefully, it will also provide some further enjoyment to come.


Herb Garden
Herb Garden

Tuesday was a very exciting day – Ben had arranged to take Pen and me out to lunch for what he called the “$100 Hamburger.” Before you get too excited, this is not the actual cost of the hamburger but rather includes the flight in a small plane to Santa Barbara airport from whence one strolls down to the beach for lunch in a very pleasant restaurant. We had a great flight from Santa Monica and, although somewhat hazy, it was still terrific fun to look down on the scenery. Until, that is, we got about half way there and encountered a large plume of dirty brown smoke from a brush fire which had recently erupted – apparently, a farmer’s manure pile had spontaneously combusted in the heat. Ben requested permission to climb to 8500 feet so that we could more or less climb over the top of it but even so the smell of the smoke was distinctly unpleasant.


At Santa Barbara Airport
Brush fire

We landed in Santa Barbara, walked down to the beach through a nature reserve populated with a number of water birds including a couple of herons, to the Beachside Bar and Café on Goleta Beach where we indulged in a very pleasant meal. After lunch we walked back to the beach, boarded the plane, Ben carried out all his pre-flight checks and off we went. About half way down the runway on takeoff, however, the whole plane began to shudder and vibrate and Ben’s words were, “Whoa! That’s not right.” at which point he slowed down and aborted the takeoff. Investigation by the mechanics at the airport discovered that the damper on the front wheel which is designed to eliminate vibration at high speeds was out of hydraulic fluid (or whatever it uses), hence causing the front wheel to shimmy impressively at about 65 mph or, in other words, at just about takeoff speed. This was easily fixed but the delay meant that we were about two hours later than we had anticipated with the result that our barbeque dinner in Escondido was going to be somewhat later than had originally been planned.


Beachside Bar

Beachside Bar & Cafe, Goleta Beach

Mansion near Malibu

A mansion near Malibu


The Getty Mansion, Malibu

The Getty Mansion, Malibu

Santa Monica Pier

Santa Monica Pier


405 Freeway, Santa Monica

405 Freeway, Santa Monica

Santa Monica Airport

Santa Monica Airport, Runway 21


From Santa Monica airport, Pen and I got on the freeway for the drive down to Sallie’s. Fortunately, we had purchased a cheap, “throw away” cell phone so we were able to give her a call and let her know of our delayed arrival. Eventually, we got down to Escondido where Rod, Sallie and Karen Wilkening were patiently awaiting our arrival. Karen lives quite close by and it was fun to see her as well as the Rinderknecht’s.

Wednesday we had fun with Sallie while Rod had to heal the sick and infirm. We made an expedition to the Hotel del Coronado on a mission of mercy for our neighbour/friend Pete. When he had been undertaking his baseball odyssey he had visited the hotel and purchased a pack of playing cards with a photograph of Marilyn Monroe on the back from the film Some Like it Hot, parts of which were filmed there. These had been lost when his car was broken into later during his trip so he had asked, if we had the time and opportunity, if we could possibly replace them. Always happy to oblige wherever possible, we stopped in only to find that the previous weekend had been the fiftieth anniversary of the film and that the hotel had hosted a huge celebration. Presumably every guest had purchased a pack of playing cards as they were completely sold out. Still, not having visited the hotel before (or at least as far as I can remember) it was a stunning sight and certainly well worth the diversion.


Hotel del Coronado
Amelie & Penny

Following our failed yet enjoyable expedition, we drove along to Lisa and Jason’s to spend some time with Amelie and Ash. Pen had brought some English children’s books for them and immediately sat down with Amelie to read Quentin Blake’s Cockatoos, a very amusing story in which Professor Dupont (who looks remarkably like Rod) annoys his cockatoos by greeting them with the same expression every morning: “And how are you my fine feathered friends?” The cockatoos get annoyed by this and decide to play a trick on the fine professor by escaping from the conservatory and hiding throughout the house. The rest of the story has the professor looking for them while Amelie took great delight in pointing them out on each page as they were hiding where the professor could not see them.

This was clearly a great hit with Amelie as later, when we walked down to the park by the sea, Amelie brought a set of her own cockatoos who chirped and screeched much of the rest of the afternoon while Penny and Sallie dragged them around on a playchute in the sweltering heat. It probably won’t surprise you to learn that I watched with interest.


Ash Playchute Rides

Queen Califia
Queen Califia

On Thursday morning we visited the Queen Califia sculpture in Kit Carson Park briefly before making our way back up to Ben and Donna and the construction of the herb garden. On Friday morning I left Pen in Playa del Rey and drove down to Miles’ beach house at Doheny Beach for the beginning of the Webb festivities. Miles’ hospitality is, of course, legendary, and the gathering consisted of the usual suspects. The weather was glorious and there was much food and even more wine and alcohol than should be consumed at any one occasion. Of those some of you might remember, the attendees included Rick Robertson, Bill Kempner, Jordy Ryan, Jeff Appleby, Trey Shonnard, Tommy Sherrard, Hunter McDonald, Ben Ryan, John Dey, Mike Wray, Bill Ditz, Randall Lewis (who say’s to be sure to pass on a big “Hi” to Sallie), Jim Michaelson, Michael Palmer, Richard Burke and Richard Hastings. I’ve probably forgotten a few in which case apologies but all are in fine form and pass on their best wishes to one and all.


Webb Reunion at Miles'
The Hooper Centre

Saturday morning I drove back up to Playa del Rey to collect Pen and we set off for the official festivities at Webb. The campus has changed considerably since our time there and it actually looks like quite a civilised place in which to receive an education, particularly now that there are women on campus as well. Unfortunately, the weather at Webb was absolutely brutal – temperatures in excess of 100 degrees, and it took little or no persuasion for Miles to persuade us to go back down to the beach house to enjoy the cooler temperatures, the sea and more good food and wine. We eventually left his place at about 10.00 that night and rolled in to Playa del Rey just after Ben and Donna had retired. Fortunately, we did not have to disturb them: Aibo took care of that for us.

And so, here we are on Sunday gathering our bits and pieces together ready for our flight to Boston tomorrow morning. The entertainment competition is very close – too close to call at this point. We’ll let you know the outcome when all the results are in.

Love to you all,

Greg


An elderly woman walked into the headquarters of the Bank of Canada saying she wanted to open an account. Because it was a lot of money, she said, she insisted on talking to the bank's president.

The manager could tell from the look in her eye -- and the huge amount of cash he could see in her purse -- that she was quite serious, so he took the woman to the president's office.

The president of the bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$395,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that it was from betting.

"Betting?" the president replied. "What do you bet on?"

The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $50,000 that your testicles are square."

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked directly in the president's eye and said, "Would you like to take my bet or not?"

"Certainly," replied the president. "I bet you $50,000 that my testicles are not square."

"Done," the woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10:00 tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness."

"A reasonable precaution," said the president.

Sure enough, the next morning at exactly 10:00 the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and repeated the $50,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

For that kind of money the president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them.

"I suppose so," said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure."

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall.

He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Probably because I bet him $100,000 that I could convince the President of the Bank of Canada to drop his pants and let me grab his testicles within five minutes of stepping into his office!"


A contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win the million dollars. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.

And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?"

The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it. Mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde.

But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is 'C' -- the cuckoo."

The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do.

On the other hand, the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.

Time was up. "I need an answer," said Regis.

Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C) the cuckoo."

"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.

"Yes, that is my final answer," she said, breaking into a sweat.

After the usual foot-dragging delay Regis said, "I regret to inform you that that answer is ... absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!"

Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.

"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "Because of your knowing the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice."

"You're welcome!" the blonde said.

"By the way," the winner said, not being able to contain the question anymore. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."


"Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Junior kept him from turning and fleeing the scene.

He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Junior! Junior!" he whispered to himself to keep him steady.

He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much.

Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Junior!"

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed. "And for heaven's sake, clean up this room!"


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