The Befouled Weakly News

20 September 2009


With apologies for the delay (due entirely to the California Inn of Salinas singularly failing to provide the wireless internet access as advertised), the holiday continues....

As you will have deduced from last week’s edition, Rick and Jo set the bar exceedingly high with regards to the various forms of entertainment and amusements they provided. We think they were attempting to pay us back for the dozens of places we dragged them when they visited last year – in their jet-lagged state we shoved them into the car and drove them all over the countryside visiting Warwick, Kenilworth, Stratford, Oxford, not to mention Radway and the precipitous and enervating climb up Edge Hill. Seattle, of course, lends itself particularly well to water-based activities, hence the water sports, sailing and wooden ships festival which they kindly laid on for our distraction.

Rising to the challenge, Susie did a surprisingly competent job at trying to reach their lofty heights beginning almost immediately we left Seattle when she explained that she had never really used the Sat Nav system in her car. I had considerable amusement in attempting to set it up and have it guide us home from Seattle. Firstly, we managed to establish her “Home” location and then asked it for directions. “Proceed south on I-5” the kind, female voice suggested. So we did.

Enroute, however, I naturally had to play with its various features, including having the directions read out in French and then Spanish. I have to say, “Proceed south on I-5” is pretty easy to understand in all three languages.

About half way to Portland I felt the need to stretch my legs a bit so we began to play with the voice recognition facility. “Rest Stop!” Susie requested and the lovely (back to English) female voice announced that all the rest stop icons were now displayed on the map, which indeed they were. Unfortunately, the closest rest stop at that point was in fact on the other side of the freeway so we had to travel a bit further before we were able to enjoy a short break.

Back on the road again we asked for “Coffee Shops” and it duly put all the coffee shops on the screen (not that we wanted coffee – we were just playing). Then, as we were passing the Mt St Helens area Susie decided to have it show us where (had we wanted to do so) we would drive to visit the site. “Mt St Helens!” Susie pronounced to which the charming young woman replied, “Now displaying all the convenience stores.”

Later that evening, after our arrival in Portland, we decided to walk down to a Mexican restaurant on 23rd Street and, on the way, we walked through the Chapman Elementary School playing fields which are just a couple of blocks from Susie’s house. As we came toward the school we could see hordes of people sitting out on the field, some with deck chairs and picnics, others spread out on blankets while dozens of children slid down a short slope on sheets of cardboard. Naturally we asked what was going on and Susie explained that they were there to see the Chapman Elementary School swifts.

This phenomenon occurs for about three to four weeks in September as the swifts gather for their migration down to central and northern South America. Normally, they roost for the night in hollow, dead tree trunks but some years ago they began roosting in the chimney of the school which caused some considerable inconvenience – the school could not fire up the boiler to heat the school until the birds had all gone! Eventually, with help from the Audubon society the school was able to raise funds to build an alternative heating system and, instead of tearing down the now derelict chimney, they reinforced it so that the birds could continue to roost there on their way south.

After our meal, we hurried back and caught the tail end of an unbelievable spectacle – tens of thousands of swifts gather, swirl around and around and then dive down into the chimney for the night. I guess the whole show takes about 40 minutes from the time the first swifts begin to dive down the chimney until the last ones finally disappear for the night.

On Monday evening we decided to take our own picnic down to the school and witness the whole show. It was simply sensational. As I say, tens of thousands of swifts swirling and soaring in ever decreasing circles, rather like a tornado as they drop down into the chimney to roost, clinging to the sides of the chimney.


Swifts at Chapman Elementary School Chimney
Picnic at Chapman Elementary School

The BirdNote web site has a few links, one of which describes the show:

BirdNote from Seattle Audubon
September brings to the Northwest one of nature’s great spectacles. But just what is it that could bring crowds of people out after sunset to stare at … a chimney?

Watch now. Here they come. Scores—perhaps hundreds—of small black birds whirl by, then form into a funnel cloud. Now they begin to descend, right down into the chimney, first one, then a few more, then dozens, then hundreds swirling down within. Each bird goes in with its wings held high, as if parachuting, dropping inside to catch onto the rough interior of the chimney with its feet, where it will hang until morning.

You are witnessing a flock of Vaux’s Swifts entering their communal roost site for the night. Small, dark, streamlined birds, Vaux’s Swifts spend much of the year in southern Mexico, but come north to nest.

The largest known swift roost in the world – over 30,000 birds – can be seen each September in Portland, Oregon, in a chimney at Chapman Elementary School.

And, there is a video clip here.

Early Wednesday morning Susie kindly took us out to the airport to collect our hire car and we set off on I5 south enroute to Sarah’s. While we would have enjoyed meandering down the Oregon coast, with a long drive ahead of us we had to proceed more or less straight down the freeway to Grant’s Pass and then over to the coast at Crescent City. Then, down highway 101 to the thriving metropolis of Redway where Sarah and John Michael Jelliffe met us to guide us up the hill to her place.

Those of you who have been there will know but to say her place is in the middle of nowhere is to do a disservice to the thriving metropolis of “Middle of Nowhere”. Having said that, both Ms Playchute and I were more than pleasantly surprised at the civilised nature of life in the middle of nowhere – satellite television, satellite broadband internet, cooker, fridge/freezer, flush toilet and more hot water than one can shake a stick at. The cooker, fridge and hot water come courtesy of propane gas while the electrical appliances rely on power absorbed from the solar panels and the gasoline generator. I gather that she has generators of various capacities depending on what appliances need powering but we never managed to overload the circuits in spite of my best efforts.


Sarah's place
Penny at the Giant Tree

Having read of the “entertainment competition”, Sarah competed very satisfactorily in the sweepstakes. Firstly, on our arrival, she had John Michael and Robert in attendance to share with us the DVD of Rob’s senior recital which was even better than I had remembered. It was great to have the two of them to comment sagely on the highs (and lows) of Rob’s performance. Then, on Thursday we set off to explore the redwoods which are just up the road a piece. Again, many of you will be familiar with these beasts but they are quite simply staggeringly impressive. I am afraid there are only so many photos one can take of enormously tall and unbelievably huge trees. On Friday we did a bit more exploring and, in particular, made our way to Shelter Cove to pay our respects to Randy. While there we encountered sea lions, deer, sea otters and a variety of bird life. Again, the weather was stunning – I thought it rained in the northwest?


Flat Iron Tree
Avenue of the Giants

Sea Lions off Shelter Cove
Sea Lion off Shelter Cove

Yesterday morning we left Sarah’s reasonably early and motored down to Monterey. Apart from visiting family and friends, the one objective on the itinerary which we both were looking forward to was another visit to the Monterey Aquarium which was as outstanding as we had remembered. From thence to Salinas and the internet-free California Inn and now, today, down to LA and Ben and Donna’s where, at least, the internet connection is more or less guaranteed.

Love to you all,

Greg


The Commanding Officer of a regiment in the U.S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, he decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was work and how much of it was pleasure?

The X.O. chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.

A captain said it was 50-50.

The colonel's aide, a lieutenant, responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee. What was his opinion?

Without hesitation, the young private responded, "Sir, it absolutely has to be 100% pleasure."

The colonel was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why.

"Well, sir," the enlisted man said, "if there was any work involved, you officers would have me doing it for you."


"Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher says. 
  
Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you." 
 
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing." The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for 
Leroy. 
 
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks,"Leroy, how is your hearing now?" 
  
Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next  Wednesday!"


A woman was in a terrible accident, and her face needed plastic surgery to cover her scars. The doctor told the husband that she desperately needed a skin graft, that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.

So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling, think nothing of it," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


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