The Befouled Weakly News
30 August 2009
So, we awoke bright and early on the Saturday morning and queued, in an orderly fashion, for our turn in the various washrooms – showers, shaves, makeup and doing our hair for ten was a logistical nightmare. Fortunately, we all managed to make ourselves look reasonably respectable and, by 8.45 we were ready and awaiting the arrival of the coach which would transport us all to Shrawley, Worcestershire in time for an 11.00 start. It duly arrived, we boarded in an orderly fashion and off we went. Jojo, Pete and Sal’s two year old granddaughter, had organised a rousing rendition of “The Wheels on the bus go Round and Round” which we all boisterously performed (all the verses) but fortunately, no one else seemed so inclined so we were able to make the rest of the journey in relative peace and comfort.
We arrived at the venue, The Curradine Barns, at about 10.45 in plenty of time to freshen up, relax and await the commencement of the day’s activities. A bit of mingling and introductions with other guests were accomplished and before too long the assembled multitude was being summoned into The Granary Barn for the ceremony.
Adam and Ben both performed their ushering tasks with aplomb and grace escorting the two bridesmaids, Robin and Vita, to their respective places on the front row. Similarly, Lucy’s brother James escorted the mother of the groom to her seat but alarmingly, there was no one assigned to escorting me to my seat – clearly a break down in the organisational logistics. Fortunately, there were enough willing and capable volunteers to ensure that I was in the right place at the right time.
And, before you could say, “I do!” it was time for the main event.
Lucy was a stunningly beautiful bride and Nick a very handsome and debonair groom.
The ceremony was conducted by a somewhat officious registrar who left us in little doubt that if anyone’s mobile phone went off during the ceremony they would be fortunate to escape with their lives. In spite of this, it was a lovely ceremony with some very touching and moving pieces – Lucy reading a passage for her mother who passed away a few years ago; Nick and Lucy lighting candles to those absent relatives including Sarah’s Randy. I don’t imagine there was a dry eye in the house but mine were too misted up to see.
After the ceremony we mingled some more, drank some champagne and waited for the arrival of dinner. More photos required:
Dinner was served in the Barley Barn and very nice it was too. The speeches were sufficiently amusing (and fortunately of an appropriately brief length and not too risqué) and everyone seemed to have a great time. Naturally, I was too busy eating (and probably too inebriated) to tell for sure.
After dinner there was more mingling, more drinks, some parachute play along with boules and croquet and finally – wedding cakes!
The wedding cakes do require a brief explanation. Rather than a wedding cake, Nick and Lucy decided on individual cakes with a variety of different flavours. So, Ms Playchute with the able assistance of Sallie, Sarah and anyone else who happened to be wandering through the kitchen in the days leading up to the wedding, prepared a hundred individual wedding cakes. Each cake was carefully wrapped in icing and decorated with a suitably coloured butterfly to distinguish one variety from another. To say they were a success would be a huge understatement.
And so, on to the dancing, of which there was much.
So there you have a brief summary of what was an excellent day. The weather was gorgeous, the sun shone, the venue was terrific and the atmosphere of the whole day was just wonderful. Fortunately, our coach arrived for the return journey well before midnight so none of us transformed into pumpkins although there may have been some of us who might have felt like pumpkins after such a wonderful day!
Spot your favourite Wedding Crasher!
So, there you have it. If you need more wedding photos you can find a few more of the least bad ones here.
Much love to you all,
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds"
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Rebecca: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Rebecca: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
After a pause, Jacob turns to his lady and asks, "So, what do you think?"
Rebecca turns to the pharmacist and says, "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms, and kissed her.
She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said, "but I'm not that kind!"
"Actually, I've never tried to kiss a model before," he protested.
"Really?" she said, softening. "Well, how many models have there been?"
"Four so far," he replied, thinking back. "A jug, two apples and a vase."
A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead. Furious at the factory's incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind.
Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words: "TURN THE PART OVER."