The Befouled Weakly News
14 June 2009 Beautiful morning here this morning following a similarly gorgeous day yesterday. What is going on? Let's firstly wish Greg and Pam splendidly splendid birthdays today and tomorrow - you know it makes sense! After gym on Sunday last week Ms Playchute and I wandered in to town (a) to see if her new glasses were ready for collection from SpecSavers and (b) for a cup of coffee and a nice muffin. I mean, what’s the point of going to the gym and burning off those calories if you cannot replenish them straight away. No, the glasses weren’t ready. I would have made a scene – this is now more than two weeks and this is a company that “prides itself” on prompt service and Pen was promised that they would be ready more than a week ago. This time, it seems, they had to go back to the factory as they were faulty and someone was delegated to telephone. Alas, no telephone message was received. Me, I’d have already started the complaints procedure hoping for a substantial discount; Ms Playchute is calmness and politeness personified. Then we went across to Nero’s coffee shop on the High Street in Banbury and Pen immediately slumped into a seat by a table by the door, having informed me that she would be having a skinny mocha. So, I stood in the interminably long line patiently waiting my turn. A few minutes later Ms Playchute was by my side, inspecting the muffins, eventually choosing a raspberry and white chocolate one. I was instructed that I was to have the triple chocolate muffin (a decision I had already reached on my own) but then I was informed that we would be splitting the two muffins so that we could both have a taste of each. I muttered some remark under my breath about the fact that had I wanted a raspberry and white chocolate muffin I would have ordered one whereupon an elderly woman in front of me in the queue turned and shared the fact that she had a sister like that – always determining what you should order and then announcing that you were sharing your order with her. We commiserated with each other about our mutual poor fortune and eventually I placed the orders and collected the drinks and the muffins. No sooner had I reached the table that Ms Playchute attacked the muffins with a stirring stick and we each had half a triple chocolate and half a raspberry and white chocolate muffin. Naturally, I attempted to embarrass her by explaining that the elderly woman in front of me in the queue had sympathised with my misfortune of being with someone who wanted half of what I ordered. She demonstrated little embarrassment, I am sorry to have to report, and I am even more disappointed to have to say that her raspberry and white chocolate muffin was, in fact, considerably better than my triple chocolate, difficult to imagine as that may be. I received a link to the following article in the Independent from sister Susie. I guess she either wanted to share a “good news” story with us all or perhaps she was amused by the close similarity between the name of this bird and a term of affection we might endow on some of our least favourite people:
Finally, I need to form a limited company for when I retire at the end of August. I shall need to do some work with schools to keep the wolves at bay and have a couple of ideas in mind. By far the most difficult challenge, however, has been coming up with a company name which incorporates what I am proposing to do, i.e., provide educational technology support and consultation for schools. So, I need your suggestions for suitable company names. Penny had some great ideas which incorporated the consultancy part particularly well; trouble was they all used a diminutive form of Consultation as in “Greg is a Con” or “Greg will Con You” or, perhaps best of all, “ITs a Con!” which gets the IT and the consultancy into the name. Suggestions on the back of a postcard from everyone, please! And finally, finally - a couple of photos of the dinner-plate sized clematis in the front garden.
Love to you all, Greg Gordon the Chicken Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilise the pullets' eggs. Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favourite rooster was Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the London Exhibition and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges. The Result? The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. We’ve had this one before but a friend forwarded it on to me with the unsettling suggestion that I needed to enrol in most of these sessions. WICoE DAY ONE HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR DISHES ; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? REMOTE CONTROL LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS DAY TWO EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN? HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS? LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
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Last month a female bird was observed incubating a clutch of eggs; a few days ago they hatched, and two chicks were seen following their mother and being fed
