The Befouled Weakly News
29 March 2009 Good morning to you all. It’s been an interesting week with the weather teasing or perhaps taunting us. We’ve had some really bright, sunny days which, considering the weather we had last week, would lead one to presume that the day would be warm and spring like. Well, not a bit of it. The wind for most of the week has been brisk and from the north and northeast and it has been cold to say the least. After last week’s wonderfully Spring weather, Pen decided that the gloves could be retired for the winter – that was probably the problem. Put the warm clothes away and you can probably guarantee that the weather will take a turn for the worse. And so it has proved - when the sun has decided to take a nap, the rain, sleet and snow have returned and the heating has had to be turned back on. Yesterday, whilst out walking Molly, I was attacked by hailstones if not quite the size of grapefruit (probably more the size of BBs) in the stiff north wind they still hurt when peppering your face in the stiff breeze.
Penny's Daffodills We watched the final episode of Nature’s Great Events the other night, the series I mentioned a few weeks ago which follows great migrations in various parts of the world. This one was on the migration which occurs in the northern Pacific off the coast of Alaska and British Columbia with the plankton bloom which takes place each summer. As usual, the photography is stunningly spectacular but this week there was an “Oh My God!” moment when the camera men were in the water filming a herring “fish ball.” The herring are attacked by birds which dive into the water and then attack the fish from underneath. This drives them towards the surface where the herring are attacked from above by gulls. The surface of the water “boils” with all this activity taking place and then all of a sudden for no apparent reason, the birds swim and/or fly away and then, out of nowhere, a hump-backed whale flashes into view from the side and engulfs two-thirds of the fish ball with one mouthful. The cameraman filming all this was probably about ten feet away from the fish ball when it happened. Absolutely extraordinary. As I said, if you get a chance to see this don’t miss it. The web site is at http://www.bbc.co.uk/naturesgreatevents/ and there is a clip of the “Whale Gulp” on You Tube here (allegedly – yesterday I couldn’t get there so hope the link works for you). I am sure you all enjoyed, as I did, the report of the Smelly Sneaker competition, the finals of which were recently held in Vermont. When I initially read the news of this year’s event I wondered whether this was a relatively new competition or whether it had been around for some time. It seems that it has been around since the 70s so I suppose my mind was on other things. Clearly, had I had known about it when I was young I would have stood a good chance of at least making the national finals being capable of producing, with very little effort, smelly feet of outstanding qualities.
You can catch a short video clip of the report from the BBC site here. Looking forward to welcoming Pen’s folks home from their winter “holiday” in Australia next week. I am sure they are looking forward to the vagaries of the British spring weather. I guess it will be a relief from the 40 degree (centigrade) weather they have been enduring – the chance would be a fine thing. Love to you all, Greg This weak’s jokes - The State of the Joke – a Joke for every state in the Union. Some of these are cute, some of these we’ve had before, some of them are fairly lame and some are just plain lousy. Still, something to insult residents of all fifty states – what could be better than that? Alabama The winner gets $3 a year for a million years. Alaska Arizona Arkansas The driver asks, "'Bout what?" California The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later, dragging a bruised mountain lion behind them. The mountain lion's yelling, "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!" Colorado He carries his $3,000 mountain bike atop his $500 car. Connecticut The Kennedys don't own Connecticut. Delaware "You mean aspirin?" says the pharmacist. "That's it! I can never remember that word." Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Commander: Whoever starts the unit. Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland "Sure, buddy," says the plebe, rooting around his pocket. "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?" The plebe snaps to attention and barks, "No, sir!" Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri The bartender says, "Listen, pal, I'm from St. Louis, and I won't appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and he's from St. Louis too. And the bouncer, that huge guy there, is also from St. Louis. So do you still want to tell that joke?" "No," says the guy from Kansas City. "Not if I have to explain it three times." Montana "We have so many of these things in Idaho, I'm sick of looking at them." A moment later, the gal from Nebraska pulls ears of corn from her bag and tosses them from the window. "What are you doing?" asks the gal from Montana. Inspired, the Montanan opens the car door and kicks the Californian out. Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Jersey got first choice. New Mexico The tribesman replies, "Woman, late 30s, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four-door station wagon, travelling at 65 mph." "Amazing! You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?" "No," says the Native American. "They ran over me five minutes ago." New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio "But, I'm a OSU graduate!" the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager, taking the broom back. "Here, I'll show you how." Oklahoma Oregon Curious, Howard asks Satan, "Excuse me, but why are you tossing them aside instead of flinging them into hell with the others?" "They're from Oregon," Satan replies. "They're too wet to burn." Pennsylvania A mechanic. Rhode Island Rhode Island: Size ain't everything Rhode Island: Nobody famous came from Rhode Island South Carolina "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward shore. Halfway there, he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do anything," the old guy said. "The sharks got 'em." South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah "Do you smoke or drink?" asks the doctor. "Those things have never and will never touch my lips," says the man. "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" "Nope, don't believe in doing any of that, either." "Well then," says the doctor, "why the hell do you want to live to be a hundred?" Vermont "Hey, nice tan." Virginia Washington West Virginia "Dad, she's fantastic. She's smart, in great shape, and she's getting her teaching certificate this spring. I'm thinking of asking her to marry me, but..." "But what, son?" asks the father. "She's a virgin." The father scratches his beard and says, "Son, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she damn sure ain't good enough for ours." Wisconsin * You measure distance in hours. Wyoming The BYU student manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!" Likewise, the UWyo Cowboy gets out of his car uninjured -- he too feeling fortunate to have survived. The BYU student walks over to the Cowboy and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being bitter rivals." The Wyoming student thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck." The Cowboy then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the BYU guy, "I think this is another sign: we should toast to our newfound friendship." "Agreed!" said the BYU student. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Cowboy offers a swig to the Cougar and says, "Your turn!" "I'm a Mormon," the BYU student says, "but you can offer a drink to the officer walking up behind you."
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