The Befouled Weakly News
7 December 2008 Not much of any note or interest at this end this week, I’m sorry to say. A mixture of torrential downpours and bright, clear skies over the past few days with very cold temperatures. I was struck this morning as I rose, bleary-eyed about 8.00 am, at how dark it still was. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised with the shortest day in the year approaching, but as I stumbled toward the bathroom I looked out the window to see the sun just beginning to peek above the horizon. At 8.00 am. And it’s just about pitch dark by 4.00 pm. So, what I want to know is where has all the daylight gone that we saved so frantically during the summer? During June and July it gets light here by 4.00 am and it stays light until well past 10.00 or 10.30 at night. So, we all set off to save as much daylight as we possibly can but then we’re not able to draw on our savings when we really need it – like, about now. Why can’t we somehow access all this daylight we’ve saved and use it to even things out a bit? Mind you, I do like the late, light summer evenings (on the occasional days when we get any half decent weather, of course). I would appreciate it if the birds did not initiate their birdsong quite so early on a summer’s morning but even that I can put up with. But pitch darkness by just after 4.00 pm is not so amusing. On a related issue, I also noticed this week an article on the BBC web site which explains why 2008 is going to have to last a second longer than last year. Now I have heard about the earth slowing down on its axis and that every so often someone (Father Time?) needs to add a second or so to our clocks to ensure that all is right with the world. What I did not know was that sometimes the earth is affected by factors such as wind blowing against mountain ranges which can speed up or slow down the earth’s rotation.
So, is the extra second we are getting on 31 December this year all the return we’re getting from all the daylight we saved this summer? Seems like a pretty poor return on our investment to me! Love to you all, Greg Even though she had a nasty cold, my mother insisted on going to a church supper as planned. She tucked several tissues into her clothing, just in case she might need them. During dinner, she used the two in her sleeves, and then she realized that putting the third tissue into her bra hadn't been such a good idea. She discreetly tried to fish it out but couldn't find it. As she peeked down the front of her dress my dad hissed, "What on earth is the problem?" There was a lull in the conversation as Mom looked up from her neckline. "Oh, Dear," she said worriedly. "I had three when I came in." Speedy Morris was the basketball coach at La Salle and they were having a pretty good season. One morning, he was shaving and the phone rang. His wife answered it and called out to him that Sports Illustrated wanted to talk to him. Coach Morris was excited that his team was apparently about to receive national recognition in this famous sports magazine. As a matter of fact, he was so excited that he cut himself with his razor. Covered with blood and shaving lather and running downstairs to the phone, he tripped and fell down the stairs. Finally, bleeding and bruised, he made it to the phone and breathlessly said, "Hello"? The voice on the other end asked, "Is this Speedy Morris"? "Yes, yes!" he replied excitedly. Then the voice continued, "Mr. Morris, for just seventy-five cents an issue, we can give you a one-year subscription to Sports Illustrated." Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is. "Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those women's questions women ask. Now I’m in deep shit at home." "What kind of question?, asked Tom. "My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly." "That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'". "Yeah", said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO....'" A guy had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married. "What!" shouted the boss? "I can't give you more time now. Why didn't you get married while you were off?" "Are you nuts?" he replied. "That would have ruined my whole vacation."
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