The Befouled Weakly News

28 September 2008

Good morning on what would appear to be a morning which has the distinct possibility of developing into a tolerably pleasant, sunny day. We’ve had some excellent weather this past week which has provided us all with a most pleasant surprise – acceptably warm temperatures, clear blue skies and that autumnal sunshine which is piercingly bright and golden.

We were discussing the weather at work one day this week (as the Brits tend to do from time to time) and we came around to a discussion of an Indian Summer and whether our current spell of good weather would qualify. So, we speculated on what makes an Indian Summer and where the expression comes from? I had a distinct understanding that the expression referred to North American Indians but one of my colleagues was convinced it originated with the British in the time of the Raj in India. He even came up with quite a convincing story about a period of warm weather following the monsoon. However, my recollection of the meaning of the expression Indian Summer was of a period of sunny, warm weather in the Autumn after the heat of summer had dissipated. In any event, it’s never really cold in India, is it?

So, off to the Internet, that source of all information, fact and fiction, to conduct a spot of research. Ignoring the ever-inaccurate Wikipedia, I came across the following as a definition:

An unseasonably warm, dry and calm weather, usually following a period of colder weather or frost in the late Autumn (or in the Southern hemisphere, where the term is less common, the late Spring).

and its derivation:

The origin of other 'Indian' phrases, like Indian giver, Indian sign, are well-known as referring to North American Indians - who prefer to be called Native Americans or, in Canada, First Nations. The term Indian summer reached England in the 19th century, during the heyday of the British Raj in India. This lead to the mistaken belief that the term referred to the Indian subcontinent. In fact, the Indians in question were the Native Americans, and the term began use there in the late 18th century.

Indian summer is first recorded in Letters From an American Farmer, a 1778 work by the French-American soldier turned farmer J. H. St. John de Crèvecoeur (a.k.a. Michel-Guillaume-Jean de Crèvecoeur):

"Then a severe frost succeeds which prepares it to receive the voluminous coat of snow which is soon to follow; though it is often preceded by a short interval of smoke and mildness, called the Indian Summer."

There are many references to the term in American literature in the following hundred years or so. In the 1830s Indian summer began to be used figuratively, to refer to any late flowering following a period of decline. It was well enough established as a phrase by 1834 for John Greenleaf Whittier to use the term that way, when in his poem Memories he wrote of "The Indian Summer of the heart!". Thomas De Quincey, republished in Bentley's Works of Thomas De Quincey, 1855, wrote:

"An Indian summer crept stealthily over his closing days."

In his story The Guardian Angel, 1867, Oliver Wendell Holmes mentions "an Indian summer of serene widowhood".

As a climatic event it is known throughout the world and is technically called a weather singularity, i.e. a climatic event that recurs around the same time of year. The frequency, depth and longevity of the weather pattern is clearly dependent of geography. It is most frequently associated with the eastern and central states of the USA, which have a suitable climate to generate the weather pattern, i.e. a wide variation of temperature and wind strength from summer to winter. Many of those states are also famous for their areas of hardwood forest, which show up well during Indian summers when the leaves have already begun to turn and the sun is shining.

Why Indian? Well, no one knows but, as is commonplace when no one knows, many people have guessed. Here are a few of the more commonly repeated guesses:

  • When European settlers first came across the phenomenon in America it became known as the Indian's Summer.

  • The haziness of the Indian Summer weather was caused by prairie fires deliberately set by Native American tribes.

  • It was the period when First Nations/Native American peoples harvested their crops.

  • The phenomenon was more common in what were then North American Indian territories.

  • It relates to the marine shipping trade in the Indian Ocean (this is highly dubious as it is entirely remote from the early US citations).

  • It originated from raids on European settlements by Indian war parties, which usually ended in autumn.

  • In a parallel with other 'Indian' terms it implied a belief in Indian falsity and untrustworthiness and that an Indian summer was an ersatz copy of the real thing.

So, there we have it. Almost assuredly of North American derivation and nothing to do with the Raj, or India. The question remains, though: if we experience such a “weather singularity” in the UK (and I should add, we’ve not had any particularly cold or frosty weather hitherto) should we call it an Indian Summer or should we revert to one of the more or less extinct expressions which would appear to predate the expression – St Martin Summer, St Luke Summer or even All Hallown Summer as used  by Shakespeare in King Henry IV, Part 1, Act 1 Scene 2, “Farewell, thou latter spring! farewell, All-hallown summer!” which, I guess we have to concede does indeed predate the colonies.

Yesterday evening I came across Ms Playchute emerging from the bathroom laughing uproariously. (I would like to say that tears were running down her cheeks but, while the laughter was certainly fulsome, it was not quite of the tear-running variety). It seems that she had been reading Private Eye and had come across the following article. Her first comment to me was, “I bet you’re putting this in the Weakly News!” to which my reply was, “Yes, and I’ve already written it" (which, in fact, was true).

Some time ago (weeks, months, years – I confess I cannot remember) I recollect postulating the question: how much belly button fluff would one accumulate in a lifetime. Well, it seems I’m not the only one as you can see:

“It was a tropical night in Brisbane in 1984,” Graham Barker told Australian television viewers, “and I was alone in a youth hostel, bored. My attention drifted towards my belly button, and there it was… fluff! I must have seen it before, but this was the first time I picked it out and wondered how much navel fluff one person could generate in a lifetime. Enough to fill a cushion perhaps? The only way to find out was to begin collecting it.

“My first pieces were stored in an empty film canister, but the daily ritual of removing fluff from my navel soon required a larger container. So I began putting the fluff into a glass jar each day before I showered. My collection is currently housed in three jars, which is disappointingly little to show for a quarter-century of daily harvesting. Maybe I’ll never have enough to stuff a cushion, but if I combine it with these five packets of beard clippings that I’ve also been collecting for two decades, who knows?” – ABC Australia

So there we have it – two mysteries solved in one week. Time for a rest in the Indian sunshine while I remove another bucket-load of belly button fluff from my navel.

Love to you all,

Greg

Only because the following includes a reference to belly fluff:

MEN'S RULES

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not a contest to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday equals sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as belly button fluff, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. "Have you ever heard of a drink called 'Seven Young Blondes'?" I asked. He admitted he'd never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he'd be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him. "Sir," I asked the customer, "can you tell me what's in that drink?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "It's wine," he said, pronouncing his words carefully, "Sauvignon Blanc."

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage.

The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no "I" in the word 'marriage.'"'

The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."

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