The Befouled Weakly News

17 August 2008


The Old Square, PragueGood morning to you all once again.

We had a great time in Prague which was/is extraordinarily sensational. It is a fantastically beautiful city (the old parts, at any rate) marred to some extent by the heaving hordes of humanity (including us, of course). As well as being packed to the gunwales with tourists from all over Europe and the rest of the world, it turned out to be a relatively expensive city to visit, which came as somewhat of a disappointing surprise to us. (Interestingly, while we were there we picked up a copy of the Prague Post, the weekly English language newspaper, which had an article describing how Prague had just become the 29th most expensive city in the world – Moscow, Tokyo and London are the top three; I can’t remember any of the others. In the same copy of the paper there was also an article indicating that tourism was down this summer by 30% largely due to the high costs, lack of value for money and the relatively poor levels of service. Although we can certainly concur with the high costs, poor service and value for money, goodness knows what it must have been like last summer if there are 30% fewer tourists this year). I guess the time to visit was probably about ten years ago but the city is still stunning, provided you can see beyond the crowds and the endless clutter of the crappy souvenirs.

As you will know, we travelled down to the airport last Saturday to collect Ben and Donna on their flight from LA before making our way down to our friend’s Sue and Stuart’s place just north of Brighton.  This provided a good base for our early, early, early departure from Gatwick on the Sunday morning which, fortunately, is only about twenty minutes from their place. Regrettably, the adventure did not start exceptionally smoothly; when we arrived at Gatwick we were greeted by a scrum of fellow travellers crammed like cattle in the EasyJet check-in area. It seems that the baggage conveyor system had failed and therefore the check-in process proceeded like treacle on a cold morning. We waited in a hot, sweaty, squirming exceedingly crowded queue for about an hour and a half before we reached our destination - the check-in desk. Once check-in had been accomplished, we had to drag our bags back through the masses to a collection point where we were instructed to leave bags bound for Prague in front of an elevator. We did wonder what the chances were of ever being reunited with them but, to our complete amazement and delight, they did emerge on the baggage carousel in Prague.

We had arranged to use two apartments belonging to our friend Dorothy from the village. She is a delightful woman who was born in Czechoslovakia but who has lived most of her life in the UK. Penny first met her soon after we moved into the village whilst walking the dogs and she has continually encouraged us to visit Prague and take advantage of her apartments. It’s only taken us about eleven years for us to take her up on her offer.
                                                                                                   
On the balconyThe main apartment, the one she uses when she visits Prague three or four times a year, is in a fantastic location just on the edge of the Old Town. It’s on the second floor (or the third floor for the Americans and anyone else who counts the ground floor as the first floor) and has a very grand balcony overlooking a small, relatively quiet square which hosts a fruit and vegetable market every day (and has done for centuries). Ben and Donna used this apartment while Pen and I and Sue and Stuart were accommodated in a second very comfortable apartment just on the edge of the Old Town Square.

So, on the first day we wandered around finding our bearings and soaking up the atmosphere and, in our travels, we ran across the possibility of a concert in the Municipal House Hall the following evening for which we booked tickets. This was advertised as being performed by the Prague Royal Orchestra but in fact, it turned out to be a handful of members of the Orchestra (one presumes). The Smetana Hall, where the concert was held was pretty impressive and the “orchestra” performed some better-known highlights from Mozart and Strauss. The music was good fun, the atmosphere was similarly good fun although our enjoyment was somewhat tarnished by the decision of the producers to accompany some of the pieces with some ballet performed by a couple of “stars”. Not sure this is exactly what Mozart and Strauss had in mind but what do I know?

The architecture in the older parts of Prague is simply sensational. It is, of course, all around as one wanders around the town but it is particularly impressive in the facades of the buildings in the Old Town Square and in the Little Quarter/Lesser Town across the river. Ms Playchute and I spent much of one day strolling through the Jewish quarter which took us somewhat off the beaten track yet all around were these marvellously elaborate buildings. One acquired  stiff neck through continually staring up in amazement.

The old part of Prague is so compact we naturally spent most of our time walking about the more popular sections. Within days we could confidently find our way from our apartments just off the Old Town Square through the labyrinth of streets and alleys leading to Charles Bridge and across the Bridge up to the Castle and the Cathedral of St Vitus. Also within days, it is fair to say, we had seen more or less all the main sites and probably three or four days would have been sufficient.

The Old Clock Tower is one of the highlights of any visit to Prague. Our guide book explains how the clock puts on a performance every hour so, at ten o’clock following our first dinner we meandered along to the square to watch the show. A crowd of a couple of hundred had similarly gathered, all of us waiting anxiously for the clock to strike and the show to begin.

The clock dates from the beginning of the fifteenth century and the centrepiece of the “show” is the procession of the twelve Apostles. First, the figure of Death, the skeleton on the right of the clock, gives a pull on the rope that he holds in his right hand. In his left hand is an hourglass, which he raises and inverts. Two windows then open and the clockwork Apostles move slowly round, led by St Peter. At the end of this part of the display, a cock crows and the clock chimes the hour.

The Old Town Hall Clock
The Apostles

I am sure you can imagine our excitement as the time approached ten o’clock and especially as the clock began to chime the hour. You can also begin, perhaps, to imagine our bemused bewilderment (and that of the other two or three hundred spectators) when nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. Nada, zip, zilch.

It turns out that, for some reason best known to someone else, the clock only performs between the hours of 9.00 am and 9.00 pm but nowhere is there a notice or any indication that this is the case. So, every night at 10.00 (and probably at 11.00 and every hour through the night) a crowd gathers and the anticipation mounts to fever pitch only for nothing to happen. Once we worked this out we did, indeed, get to see the show and although it wasn’t quite what we had imagined (the apostles did not, in fact, leap out of the tower like a cuckoo clock nor did they do a snappy dance routine as they paraded in front of the windows. But, the skeleton (Death) did indeed pull his chain and invert his hourglass to initiate the show, the Turk did “run” across the opening and, at the end of the procession, the cock did crow. (Well, crow is a bit of a euphemism; squawked like a emphysemic child’s wheezy toy might be more accurate).

We had very fine weather while we were there, on the whole. We had one very hot day and it was a bit overcast and cool with the slightest, very brief smatter of a drizzle on our last day. The rest of the week the sun shone, the sky was largely blue and the temperature was just about perfect

So, after a week soaking up the atmosphere and enjoying the sites, we made our way home. Ben and Donna left on the Friday afternoon so that Donna could get a flight home from Heathrow on Saturday morning. We made our way home on Saturday afternoon to be greeted by unrelenting rain which apparently had been pissing down during the whole of our absence. Ben, having stayed with some friends in London on Saturday night, made his way up by train on Sunday and we’ve had a week enjoying his good company.

Ben in the cockpitOn Friday he decided to see if he could take us for a treat so he enquired at Wellesbourne airfield whether he could book a flight, which he duly did. I’m not sure if we have written before but he has acquired his pilot’s license and although he was not able to fly “solo” in the UK, with an appropriate “instructor” accompanying us, he was able to take us for an hour’s flight around south Warwickshire and Northamptonshire. We flew from Wellesbourne to Radway and then made our way over to Byfield. From there we flew north to Warwick and then to Stratford before making our way back to Wellesbourne where he did a couple of “touch and go’s” (deliberately, I hasten to add) before bringing us smoothly and gently back to terra firma. It was great fun and, although the photos aren’t great, they should at least suffice to demonstrate that we did actually do it.

Charlecote House

Charlecote House

Warwick Castle

Warwick Castle

And so, our holiday comes to a conclusion. We drop Ben at Heathrow this afternoon for his flight back to the States and I am back to the grind of work on Monday. Still, it’s been a good break and, if you anticipate visiting Prague, our advice would be to visit in the Spring or Autumn when there will be fewer crowds and plan to stay for three or four days - a week is significantly more than sufficient.

You can have a look at the rest of the least bad photographs here – enjoy.

Love to you all,

Greg


An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living crap out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, God's voice booms out again: "Okay . . . NOW you're screwed."


Allegedly authentic entries on hospital charts

•    She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
•    Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
•    On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
•    The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
•    The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
•    Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
•    Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
•    The patient refused autopsy.
•    The patient has no previous history of suicides.
•    Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
•    Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
•    Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
•    She is numb from her toes down.
•    While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
•    The skin was moist and dry.
•    Occasional constant infrequent headaches.
•    Patient was alert and unresponsive.
•    Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.
•    She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
•    I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
•    Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
•    Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
•    The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
•    The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
•    Skin: somewhat pale but present.
•    The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
•    Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree.
•    Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
•    Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.

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