The Befouled Weakly News

20 July 2008


Good morning one and all on what, at first glimpse, appears to be a promising start to the day.

It’s been an “interesting” week; a couple of days at work, a couple of days “working at home” and a plethora of technical problems.

Peneope's Dead DellYou will recall that last week I wrote of Ms Playchute’s computer which refused to connect to the internet or to retrieve e-mails, a problem which was eventually traced to a conflict between a Microsoft security patch for Internet Explorer and Zone Alarm, the firewall application which I use. Well, this week on Wednesday when I was, once again, “working at home” I received a similar request for technical support from the SeamStress management. This time the computer simply refused to switch on or, if it did there was no display on the monitor. On this occasion I was just as stumped as I had been last week but, unfortunately, there were no middle-of-the-night revelations.

One of the things I have to give Dell credit for is incorporating into their PCs a fault-finding, diagnostic set of tools which can provide their technical support department with a wealth of information with which they should, hopefully, be able to resolve the problem. In our case, this consists of four lights on the back of the computer which light up green (when everything is ship-shape) or yellow when things are somewhat dodgy. The computer also emits a pattern of beeps when attempting to start and together these two bits of information provided the Dell support team with the information that the memory had failed. So, they advised ordering a new bank of memory which arrived the following day. Alas, this did not resolve the issue so back on the telephone and the optimistic suggestion that possibly the memory shipped had also been faulty; unlikely but worth a try. So, they agreed to ship us another bank of memory which arrived on Friday. Still no cure so we and the technical support guys are left with the depressing conclusion that, in fact, the whole motherboard is faulty. So, we are faced with that familiar dilemma – do you repair a four year old computer or put the money instead into buying a new one and, while SeamStress hadn’t exactly budgeted for a new computer in this financial year, at just less than $700 for a new PC why spend almost half that amount in repairing one which is four years old – no contest.

The other technological mishap of the week also occurred on Wednesday afternoon. The weather was tolerable so, after spending a couple of frustrating hours trying to remedy Ms Playchute’s computer, I decided to take a bike ride around the neighbourhood. So, off I went and had reached just about the furthest point from home when, after ascending a small hill, I noticed that my rear tyre was decidedly under inflated. Of course, I carry a pump so was able to reinsert some air into the affected tyre but, as you can guess, after pedalling another quarter of a mile or so, the tyre was flat once again. Fortunately, I had my mobile phone with me so was able to give Pen a ring; unfortunately, she was out walking the dog and had neglected to take her mobile phone with her. So, I left a message on the answering machine indicating what had happened, where I was and in which direction I would start walking. I have to confess, I was not looking forward to the 5.25 mile walk home so was delighted when my phone rang. “Why have you turned off your phone you idiot and where the f**k are you??!!!” was the recorded message I received (or words to that effect). In fact,  of course, I had not turned off my phone; the reception is somewhat intermittent in our neighbourhood at the best of times so I was clearly in a black hole when she had telephoned. By this stage I had walked just over two of the five miles so was delighted to know that she was out searching for me even if the torrent of abuse I received was somewhat unjustified. I telephoned her mobile, established exactly where I was and in another five minutes or so the bike and I were safely ensconced in the car on our way home.

Amazingly in the whole time I was trudging along the road pushing my bicycle ahead of me, I was passed by only about three cars, none of whom stopped, of course (but what could they have done anyway) and so I never did get to use the line I had decided upon had someone stopped - où est le Tour de France (where is the Tour de France?). Still, it’s just as well – my French is not good enough to have kept up the pretence of having been separated from le Tour for more than that opening line.

le TourSpeaking of le Tour, they are now just over half way through their 3500 km, three week odyssey and, in spite of the doping problems, it has been a cracking race so far. After fifty-nine hours of racing so far, the current leader, the Australian Cadel Evans, has a lead of just one second over the second placed rider, Frank Schleck from Luxemboug; equally exciting, the new English rider, Mark Cavendish, has now won four of the sprint finish stages. Thursday’s stage went from Lavelanet to Norbonne and passed within a couple of miles of where Pen’s folks used to have the Mas near Tautavel and yesterday’s stage passed within a couple of miles of Caux where our friend Joe Jefferies lives. I gave Joe a ring to see if he had been able to see the race pass by but I reached him at the top of L'Alpe-d'Huez, one of the iconic mountain-top finishes of le Tour; he was leading a group of cyclists on a tour following this most demanding section of le Tour. He did mention, however, that when Pen and I went cycling with him last October, we had in fact gone up (and back down again) one of the fourth category climbs along the route they are using this year. Not bad for an old fart although I have to confess we probably did not cycle up at the 25 to 30 miles per hour these guys average on a category four climb.

While I was researching the various stages of le Tour on Google Maps I came across a terrific feature which I suspect many of you have already discovered – Street View. After using the feature to "ride" up the hill Joe and we had ascended last autumn, I decided to have a look at 262 W Lemon Avenue. Interestingly, a lot of new homes on Lemon Avenue, some of which are huge, but 262 seems little changed apart, that is, from the enclosure of two of the three bays in the car port, it seems.

262 West Lemon Avenue

Ran across the following on the BBC web site the other day – apart from its smell, texture, taste and generally disgusting appearance, here is another good reason for avoiding tofu!

Tofu 'might harm memory in elderly'
By Urmee Khan

Eating high levels of soy products such as tofu can increase memory loss, according to scientists.

Tofu, which is made from curdled soy milk from the soya plant, is not only low in calories but contains plant hormones believed to have beneficial effects on health.

However, a study funded by the Alzheimer's Research Trust, has found that those who eat tofu more than once a day had a 20 per cent lower level of memory functioning than those eating very little of the product.

Consumption of the food has risen in recent years in the West where it is often promoted as a healthy alternative to meat and as a superfood.

Researchers at Loughborough and Oxford Universities worked with Indonesian colleagues to assess the effects of high soy consumption in elderly Indonesians living in urban and rural areas of Java.

They found that a high consumption of tofu was linked with worsening memory, particularly among those in their sixties.

Also there are fears that older people on a soy rich diet may be getting an extra boost of oestrogen-like hormones at a time of life when they are likely to damage brain functioning rather than improve it.

The study, to be published in the journal, Dementias and Geriatric Cognitive Disorders, this month, examined the dietary habits of 719 Javanese people aged between 52 and 98.

Professor Eef Hogvervorst of Loughborough University, who led the research said: "Soy consumption is on the increase in the West and it is often promoted as a 'superfood'.

"Soy products are rich in micronutrients called phytoestrogens, but it is not entirely clear what their effect on the ageing brain is."

I don’t normally include two news items but I ran across the photo below and then did a bit of Googling to find the appropriate reference. I just thought this was such a great photograph.

Mud!Playing in the mud, every child’s dream and every mother’s nightmare came true this year in Westland, Michigan during the Mud Day celebrations.

200 tons of topsoil, 20,000 gallons of water and over 1000 children under 12 years old, now this is what I call chaos. Mud Day is the only day of the year when playing in mud is not only allowed but encouraged. Sponsored by Westland Country Parks and Recreation, Mud Day 2008 had several events like a wheelbarrow race through the mud or the crowning of Mister Mud 2008 as well as free activities like kids covering each-other in mud and just wearing mud on their heads.

So remember, next year, if you have a kid under 12 and want to reward him with an entire day of frolicking in the mud, head over to Westland on July 8 for Mud Day.

Carol and ZachAnd finally, a bit of advance warning; we are off to Prague in the Czech republic for a week with Ben and Donna and our good friends Sue and Stuart from down near Brighton. Ben and Donna fly in on Saturday 2 August and we jet off to Prague on the Sunday so, fortunately/unfortunately (depending on your perspective) there will be no Weakly News on Sunday 3 August. We’ll try and get something together for the following week with a photo or two but it may well be brief.

And finally, finally, our heartiest, most vigorous and enthusiastic congratulations to Carol and Zach. May they enjoy unbounded happiness.

Love to you all,

Greg


A Jewish man married a Chinese woman. Their marriage was doing so well that they decided to have a baby. The husband wanted the baby to have a name that epitomized "Jewish people of today." His wife wanted the baby to have a meaningful, Chinese name.

After much thought they chose to combine two very meaningful names into one for their special boy. They named him Cha-Ching.


I think we’ve had this before?

A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening, she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it."

He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K." He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About a half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty and proclaims, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig's always squealing, how can I tell?"


From Dad – Management Lessons

Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pena Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

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