Good morning one and all and here’s hoping it’s a splendidly splendid morning wherever you are dragging yourselves out of bed (or, for readers in the far East, let’s hope it’s been a splendidly splendid day).

It’s been a good week on the whole, apart, that is, from the weather. Having reclined in the sunshine on a couple of occasions last week, the latter part of this week has been cold and wet. So, summer seems to have been and gone; it was grand while it lasted. Having said that, it is a somewhat more promising looking start to this morning – bright skies with unfortunately some scattered ominous looking clouds with a stiff breeze; could be a good day but perhaps not a reclining in the garden type day.

I must confess to having felt somewhat disgruntled, not to say annoyed, in the early part of the week at the distinct absence of good wishes which had been received from my siblings. My children were very prompt at conveying their good wishes for a speedy recovery via e-mails, phone calls and personal visits laden with presents of a recuperating variety. My parents, similarly, had been prompt with their good wishes. From my siblings, however, nothing, nada, zip! That is until a veritable flock of cards, e-mails and general get-well wishes (and more recuperating gifts!) arrived on Tuesday and Wednesday. So, thank you very much for all the kind wishes.

Slow progress this week; the pain down the arms and the tingling in the fingertips is pretty much gone but the pain in the neck and shoulders has been much in evidence. So, having made such rapid progress in the first couple of weeks, I guess I now need to be somewhat more patient than I am used to being and take each day with its modest progress as it comes.

Thank you also for the numerous enquiries concerning Adam’s well-being following the catastrophic earthquake in China. We spoke with him (via Google Talk) soon after the quake hit and he said that he had not, in fact, felt anything although many in Changsha did. Although Changsha is about 400 miles from the epicentre, it seems there were, in fact, a couple of deaths as an older building collapsed but Adam says he was either awaiting the arrival of his class or just in the process of settling thirty some odd five year olds who undoubtedly made enough noise and commotion to cover the noise and rumble of any distant earthquake.

Ran across the following on the BBC web site the other day. It’s always nice to see that the Australians continue to live up to the generalised perception which we have of them:

Aussie straps in beer, not child A car driver in Australia has been fined for strapping down his beer rather than his young child. Police said they were "shocked and appalled" when they pulled over the car south of Alice Springs in Australia's Northern Territory. They said the 30-can pack of beer was strapped down between two adults in the back, with the five-year-old child unrestrained on the floor. The driver was handed a fine of A$750 (US$709; £362). The fine was for failing to ensure a child was wearing a seatbelt as well as driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle. 'Blank' look The car was pulled over on the Ross Highway last Friday. Constable Wayne Burnett said: "I haven't ever seen something like this before. "This is the first time that the beer has taken priority over a child... The child was sitting in the lump in the centre, unrestrained." When Constable Burnett handed over the fine he said the driver "just looked at me blankly". "He didn't get it," Constable Burnett said. "I asked him about the fact the child was unrestrained and the beer was, and he said he didn't know anything about it." Superintendent Sean Parnell of Alice Springs police said the incident was a "timely reminder" to ensure "all passengers are secured".

So, excuse me while I just go and make sure the beer is strapped down.

Love to you all,

Greg

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In the nursing home one evening, the old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting. For $5, I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
 
The old lady looked surprised, but didn't say a word. The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
 
The old lady still said nothing, but after a couple minutes, she started digging down in her purse. She pulled out a wrinkled $20 bill and held it up.
 
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," said the old man.
 
"Get serious," she replied. "Four times in the rocking chair."

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A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.

The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt.

His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying over here and you're putting?"

"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."

"Well, how long will it take for him to get here," she asks feebly?

"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

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In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'. And so they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.

So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'. And Satan said, 'It is good.' And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed ......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then ............ Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.

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And although we’ve had it before, it seems to follow on so nicely from the previous one:

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.:

1.   Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2.   Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3.   Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4.   Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5.   Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
6.    The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.