Well, what a wonderful nine or ten days we had in Boston, Hanover and Huletts! (Nine or ten depending on whether you count the day(s) you lose in transit). Not sure whether I mentioned last time but we stayed for the first four days of our stay in Hanover at the Farmhouse at Kendal which is very comfortable indeed, rather like staying in a very comfortable hotel (and breakfast and dinner is included in the fare). I do commend the accuracy of Dad’s bathroom scales; although they are electronic (and therefore exceedingly accurate one might deduce), they did tell me that I had lost five pounds during the course of our stay. Considering the amount of fine dining we indulged in and the increased strain of the belt around my waistline, I am not convinced.

After our outing to Hemingway’s on the Friday evening, on Sunday (Sallie and Rod’s last day) we all (sans Sandy and Pam, of course) trooped down to Carpaccio’s, a fine Italian restaurant in Hanover (http://www.carpacciohanover.com/). Thankfully, Pen had recovered sufficiently to join us and assured us that fortunately her “lurgy” had not inhibited her appetite at all. On Sundays Carpaccio’s has a fixed price menu – an appetiser, main course and dessert. As we were in the process of ordering, our waiter explained that we could have two appetisers and dispense with the dessert, if we so desired, for the same price. Not being a great dessert eater, this was the strategy that I adopted so my crab & lobster cake came at the end. I must confess they had to waddle me into the freight elevator when I had finished – the portions were certainly on the more than adequate size, shall we say.

On Monday Sallie and Rod departed and Mom and Dad and Ms Playchute and I made our way over to the Lake where we were able to enjoy ourselves for about 24 hours. The Lake was largely thawed but our bay still had ice and indeed the level of the lake was so high that the right-hand side of the dock was still marginally submerged. Still, the weather was glorious and the following day most of the ice from our bay had departed and, in the process, had managed to dispatch a few ice bergs which were spotted floating out by Agnes. As mentioned last time, Pam looks great, all things considered, (and Sandy looks pretty good too) and Spring was definitely in the air.

On our return from the Lake we descended on Steph and Hope and made ourselves at home in the dungeon. For our finale, we had purchased several rack of lamb from the Green Mountain restaurant supply emporium in Whitehall which Steph and Hope prepared with a squash risotto. Another exceedingly fine meal but, regrettably, by this time Dad had succumbed to the plague which Pen had brought from England and Mom was feeling somewhat fatigued as well. So, the anniversary celebrations we had planned were somewhat muted and Steph and I had to struggle our way through Dad and Mom’s portions.

The weather over the last four or five days of our visit was simply sensational, exactly what early Spring in New England is all about. The Green at Dartmouth was transformed during the time we were there from a frozen tundra on our arrival with hardly anyone in sight to a summer’s gathering with scarcely a blade of grass in sight with all the students in shorts and T-shirts lounging in the sunshine and/or playing Frisbee at our departure. And, that’s not to mention the staggeringly stunning brilliantly bright blue skies. I guess it’s just about worth tottering through the winter for days like those.

Finally, just to mention the sensation which Sandy’s art display created amongst the residents at Kendal. Every time we passed it on our way to or from the dining hall there were always a couple of folks admiring the work and commenting generously on the creations. Almost everyone to whom I was introduced to was anxious to know if I was the son who was the artist; you can perhaps imagine the crestfallen expressions when I explained that I was not the creative son but rather the handsome and intelligent one.

I think they would sooner have met the artist.

Love to you all,

Greg

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This from Sallie

Why Parents Drink
 
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to Dad.

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
 
Dear Dad:
 
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love, your son John

PS:   Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card. That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.
 
Call me when it's safe to come home.

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This from Dad

AN INTERESTING HISTORY LESSON

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. So, it is that Bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a Specification / Procedure / Process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with it?' you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.) Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRB's. The SRB's are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRB's would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRB's had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRB's had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' asses.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything... and CURRENTLY, Horses Asses are controlling everything else. So, in the words of Paul Harvey, "Now you know the rest of the story".

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A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

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Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time.

Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?"

After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister is pregnant now."

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