The Befouled Weakly News
2 March 2008 Good morning and splendidly good wishes to one and all. As you will by now be aware, the NHS decided not to amputate my neck on Thursday due to an influx of emergency cases which, naturally, take precedence over my trifling inconvenience. Further investigation revealed that they did indeed mean Sunday 30 March for me to arrive at the hotel with the surgery scheduled for Monday 31 March. However, as I wrote, this is too close to someone’s 60th wedding anniversary so I have had to decline that offer and will wait to hear. Something shortly after we return from the States would be ideal. I’ll let you know. One of the silver linings in not having my brain excavated this week was that Penelope and I were able to enjoy one of our Christmas presents on Saturday evening after all. Nick and Lucy had given us tickets to attend (and accompany them) to a performance by Dara O'Briain, an Irish standup comedian, at the Warwick Arts Centre. When, however, I got the notice of the date for my surgery, we had to reluctantly concede that we would be unable to attend. Naturally, Nick and Lucy shopped around amongst all their friends to try and find someone who would go with them. Either they have no friends or none of them fancied seeing Dara O'Briain because they had been unable to commit anyone to attending with them by the time my surgery was cancelled on Tuesday afternoon. (I suppose it's just possible that no one wanted to be seen with Nick and Lucy but I find that highly improbable). Whatever, it was our good fortune - we went for a delicious dinner at their place and then meandered up to the Arts Centre on the university campus and sat through two hours of incredible, non-stop standup comedy. Naturally, my mother would not have approved of some of his routines and language but he is unbelievably quick and it was hilarious. We all came out with our jaws feeling somewhat sore as the strain of laughing uproariously for two hours took its toll. A few of you have enquired about the earthquake which roused the UK out of its slumber on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. It measured 5.2 on the Richter scale, apparently and was the most significant earthquake in twenty years. However, earthquakes in the UK are not all that unusual, it seems; there are something in the region of 200 earthquakes each year in the UK although only about 25 a year are of sufficient vigour to be felt by people. I thought I had slept through the one on Tuesday but Ms Playchute certainly was awakened and thought a large and very noisy lorry was rumbling up the hill in front of the house. As she awoke, however, she could no longer hear the engine of this particularly boisterous lorry and therefore deduced it must have been something else. The news headlines the following morning filled in the gaps. Then, on Wednesday evening when she was describing this to me I have to confess to having had a vague recollection of some large lorry similarly disrupting my sleep but clearly insufficiently to awaken me completely. Found the following article on the BBC website moderately interesting. As one who is on an annual salary, it does seem to me that I am indeed working an extra day this year for no extra pay!
Since I was “working at home” on Friday, I said to myself, “Stuff this! I’m taking the day off.” Then I got on with my work. Love to you all, Greg A new study says that having sex decreases your chances of getting a cold. The more sex you have, the less you'll have a cold. Just wait until guys get hold of this. A woman sneezes and he'll be saying, "Hey, I've got something for that." A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life." So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. "What's wrong?' " he asks. "You gave me the wrong key!" We’ve had it before but it still made me chuckle a second (or third, or fourth) time: A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door. On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister. "Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind." The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?" The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat!" Paddy and Murphy are sitting in the pub one day having a quiet drink when a bloke walks in and slaps a 6 lb trout on the bar. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" said Paddy. "Where'd you get that?" "Well" said the man "I go to the part of the river by the bridge and get a friend to dangle me off the side. I can just reach the water and so when a fish comes near - I grab it!" "Aaaaaaah" exclaimed Murphy, "We will try it tomorrow!" So the next day Paddy and Murphy set off to the bridge by the river. Murphy is dangling Paddy over the side and after about 10 minutes Paddy yells "QUICK! Pull me up!" "Why, have you caught a fish?" asks Murphy. Paddy replies "No, but there's a bloody train coming!!" Back to Greg's Temporary Home Page
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