The Befouled Weakly News

20 January 2008

Good morning to you all. While it is dry at the moment, all we’ve had this week has been rain, rain, rain, rain, a bit of drizzle followed by more rain, rain and then a bit more rain. The fields are awash and there are flood warnings in various parts of the country although fortunately our brook which flooded Beryl and Oz’s seems to be behaving itself so far. Mind you, more rain is predicted so we’ll keep our fingers crossed.

We finally managed to collect the wine we bought in France in October when we were visiting Joe Jefferies. I think I wrote about how we had visited various wine caves and purchased about two dozen bottles which had to remain behind in Caux awaiting transportation back to the UK aboard one of the French Cycling vans. The shipment actually arrived a week or so before Christmas but due to a variety of circumstances we weren’t able to collect it until Friday. You will be very pleased to note, no doubt, that it tastes every bit as good, if not better, than it did in France. (Well, the two bottles we tried on Friday and Saturday night, that is. Naturally, we haven’t quite finished all of it yet).  We’re particularly pleased with one we enjoyed in Caux and which is on the wine list at the Fat Duck in Bray, Berkshire (regularly deemed to be in the top five restaurants in the world). I knew we had good taste.

Just finished reading “The Places in Between” by Rory Stewart which I would recommend to anyone looking for something inspiring to read. It’s the account of his walk across Afghanistan a few months after the fall of the Taliban and it is simply extraordinary. He had already walked across Iran, Pakistan, India and Nepal but, at the time, had not been allowed to walk across Afghanistan. So, as soon as the Taliban were out of the way he went back and set off from Herat to Kabul following the route of the Mogul emperor Babur. Not surprisingly, most people thought he was stark raving mad and some of the situations he got into were dangerous and fool-hardy but he accomplished it and came out alive and in one piece at the other end.

He is a fascinating guy. He was born in Hong Kong in 1973, raised in Malaysia, Vietnam and Scotland and was educated at Eton and Balliol, Oxford. In the early 1990s he was a summer tutor to the Princes William and Harry, apparently.

He served briefly as an officer in the British army and then served in the Foreign Office. He was in the British Embassy in Indonesia from 1997 to 1999, as the British Representative to Montenegro in the wake of the Kosovo campaign and as Coalition Deputy Governor of Maysan and Senior Advisor in Dhi Qar, two provinces in southern Iraq during 2003–2004.

Apart from the sheer audacity of his expedition and the clearly dangerous situations he finds himself in from time to time (he meets bandits and gunmen on several occasions and brazens it out with them by claiming to be a personal friend of whichever warlord happens to be dominant in that particular area) one of the over-riding questions which meanders throughout the book is “Does the attempt at nation building in Afghanistan stand any sort of chance?” and the answer is an unequivocal “No.” The remoteness of these places and the tribal/feudal nature of the society is clearly beyond comprehension in the West and the UN’s objective of creating "a centralized, broad-based, multi-ethnic government committed to democracy, human rights, and the rule of law" is simply fantasy. History would show us that if we would care to look.

Time magazine has an interesting potted account of him and his current activities here.

Finally, Ms Penelope has proclamated – it’s the “Ps” this year. After sitting somewhat uninterestedly and at times grumpily through the previous playoff rounds, she has finally announced her decision – it’s the Packers v the Patriots in the final. You will remember that last year she went with the "birds", i.e. the Seahawks, Ravens, etc. and then finally stuck with the animal theme and picked the Colts for the final. So, if her track record is better than yours, place your bets now. I'll try and push her to make a definitive selection once we know the results of today's games.

And finally, finally, our thoughts, best wishes and prayers are with Pam and Sandy. We love you lots.

Love to you all,

Greg


A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world's most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.

So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General's voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.

The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.

"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.

"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But clearly the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."


A Red Sox fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees' fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them. One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" 

"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis Church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.

"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!"

The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees' fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees' fan." 

"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."


A man goes to the doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.  

"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.  

The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pill down his throat and gobbles down water until the pill clears his throat. He hobbles back into the examining room.  

The doctor comes back with a bucket of warm water. "Ok, after the tablet dissolves, soak that leg for at least 30 minutes." 


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