The Befouled Weakly News
2 December 2007
What a miserably miserable morning we are faced with today – the rain is on the verge of sheeting down and the wind on the cusp of developing into a howling gale. In fact, just about what the weather forecast suggests – the map shows this large, dark blob of rain spreading across the UK and beautiful, downtown Byfield is more or less in the middle. All of which makes me somewhat relieved that we went for a long walk down the canal yesterday morning instead of suggesting such an expedition today. As it was, the wind was blowing into our face all the way down the canal and the temperature was anything other than warm and/or balmy but the sun was shining, it was a gloriously clear day and Molly thoroughly enjoyed herself. Sorry to say that the Sixty Facts about Dad and Mom’s wedding have so far failed to materialise so we shall have to postpone the comparison of their wedding with that of the Windsors. I imagine, at least, that they didn’t go on honeymoon with Mom’s favourite corgi Susan. (And note how the dog’s name is “Susan” not “Susie” or any other diminutive). Friday and Saturday were spent in a very frustrating activity (apart from the canal walk, of course). Ms Playchute and her business partner have been “complaining” for some time about the state of their business computer. For some months it has been on a “go slow” which has caused them considerable angst. As their resident IT support expert I have tried everything I know how to try, all to no avail. It has been de-fragged, de-virused, de-bloated innumerable times and it still continues to operate at a snail’s pace. So, finally, on Friday I decided to back everything up, reformat the hard disk and start again with a clean installation of Windows. So, off we went and everything seemed fine until the Windows install disk threw up a read error. Oops, start again… and again … and again. Conclusion, the hard disk is trashed which was possibly the root cause of the molasses-like performance in the first place. So, the next part of the day was spent setting up their accounts and restoring everything to my laptop so that they could at least continue to operate their business at the start of play on Monday while waiting for a new hard disk to arrive. Hopefully, that will cure the problem and I can retrieve my laptop. We’ll let you know! Ran across the following on one of the numerous lists that drop through my letter box each day. I’ve run across many of them before but don’t we all wish we could use language to the same devastating effect as these. Most of us tend to think of these types of insults about three days after the original conversation took place.
I can certainly sympathise with Groucho’s comment! Love to you all, Greg This reminds me of an account Dad told of when he was selling the delightful Dolly the Donkey, something along the lines of “Wife’s Ass Going Cheap.” There were a few others which, perhaps, he can share. The Pastor's Ass The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10 This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is - being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet. The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin. From Dad – Why men do not write personal advice columns Dear Walter: I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help? Sincerely, ANSWER: Dear Sally: I hope this helps. Back to Greg's Temporary Home Page
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