The Befouled Weakly News

7 October 2007

What a great weekend. I refer, of course, not to the weather but to the great weekend of sport we’ve enjoyed so far with more to come this evening. Come to think of it, since I usually start with the weather – what a crap weekend this has been in marked contrast to a glorious couple of Autumn days. The forecast (of which we have learned to our cost to pay no attention to) promised bright sunshine and clear blue skies for both Saturday and Sunday; Saturday was grey and this morning looks much the same. It’s a good job the sport is so good then, isn’t it.

This is the weekend when the Rugby World Cup gets interesting after the preliminaries of the earlier matches. Much to everyone’s surprise, England managed to avoid being dumped out at the Pool stage and yesterday faced the challenge of trying to beat Australia. Similarly, France, who lost their first match in the Pool stage to Argentina, were up against the New Zealand All Blacks (the overwhelming tournament favourites) in their quarter final match. Since I am not sure whether Sandy will have been able to watch the matches live (at least the time zone would be favourable) I won’t give you the results. I’ll only say that both matches were surprisingly competitive and exciting – real edge of your seat stuff.

I actually had an opportunity to play match commentator during the England – Australia match. I was chatting with Adam via Google Talk and he was keeping up with the match on a text feed from the Guardian. He had to refresh his browser window every minute or so to keep up with the progress of the match and was running about five minutes behind the live action which I was watching on the TV tuner card in my computer. So, as the match started getting really interesting I found myself interspersing my conversation with him with snippets of description of what was happening live in the match. “Oh, the Australians have broken through the English line! Oh, he’s tackled and it looks like a turn-over. Yes! England have turned them over....” Good fun but I don’t think I’ll ever be a Vin Scully.

And so, on to this year’s Ig Noble Awards:

It's official: swallowing swords hurts your throat

• UK radiologist wins spoof Nobel prize for medicine
• Study of the word 'the' captures literature award

For the world's sword swallowers, it must have been an important study: a medical analysis of the dangers and side-effects of their profession. Fortunately, doctors concluded that the most likely injury from inserting a long piece of sharp steel down your food pipe was just a humble sore throat.

As well as adding to crucial knowledge about work-related injuries, the unique study last night earned its author, radiologist Brian Witcombe at Gloucestershire Royal NHS foundation trust, this year's Ig Nobel prize for medicine.

A spoof of the Nobel prizes, the Ig Nobels celebrate the quirkier side of science. In previous years the prizes have honoured a centrifugal-force birthing machine that spins pregnant women at high speed and Britain's official six-page specification for how to make a cup of tea.

In his report, published in the British Medical Journal, Mr Witcombe wrote that sword swallowers knew theirs was a dangerous occupation. Because he could find only two reports in the literature of injuries from the practice, he canvassed almost 50 sword swallowers to explore their technique and its side-effects. "Sore throats - 'sword throats' - occur when swallowers are learning, when performances are repeated frequently, or when odd-shaped or multiple swords are used," he concluded.

He went on to describe how one swallower had lacerated his pharynx as he tried to swallow a curved sabre, another damaged his oesophagus and developed an inflammation of the protective membrane around his lungs "after being distracted by a misbehaving macaw on his shoulder", and a belly dancer suffered a major haemorrhage "when a bystander pushed dollar bills into her belt causing three blades in her oesophagus to scissor".

Ten winners received awards at last night's ceremony at Harvard University. The 2007 Ig Nobel for peace went to the Air Force Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio. In 1994, researchers there submitted a three-page proposal to develop a chemical weapon that could make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other.

Documents detailing the idea were unearthed through a freedom of information request by the Sunshine Project, a lobby group that opposes biological weapons.

"We don't know if this document was the start and end of it or whether, in fact, this project continued and perhaps continues to this day," said Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals of Improbable Research and the man behind the Ig Nobel awards.

Glenda Browne of Blaxland, Australia won this year's Ig Nobel prize for literature with her study of the word "the" and the various problems it causes for anyone trying to index things. In a report for the journal the Indexer, she said that taking the "the" into account was useful in many situations: "In the book The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, for example, each 'the' is as important as the others. If we sort on the initial 'the' (as well as the following ones in their turn), then we are according each of the articles equal importance."

But she conceded that a blanket rule to incorporate 'the' into indexes often led to long lists of titles starting with the word, making specific entries harder to find. A particular problem, Dr Abrahams added, was indexing the rock band the The.

Juan Manuel Toro, Josep Trobalon and Núria Sebastián-Gallés, of Barcelona University, collected the linguistics Ig Nobel for showing that rats sometimes cannot tell the difference between a person speaking Japanese backwards and a person speaking Dutch backwards.

Genuine Nobel laureates presented the prizes to winners. Rich Roberts (medicine 1993), William Lipscomb (chemistry 1976), Craig Mello (medicine 2005), Robert Laughlin (physics 1998), Roy Glauber (physics 2005), Dudley Herschbach (chemistry 1986) and Sheldon Glashow (physics 1979) handed over the gongs.

Last year's winners included a Welsh engineer who designed a gadget to disperse gangs of loitering teenagers by playing a shriek that only they could hear and a study into how woodpeckers avoid headaches.

Dr Abrahams said of this year's winners: "They make you laugh when you first hear about them. You almost have no choice, then you can't quite get them out of your head afterwards. It's slightly difficult to accept that these things are real - but they are."

The winners

Medicine Brian Witcombe of Gloucester and Dan Meyer of Antioch, Tennessee, for their report in the British Medical Journal, Sword Swallowing and its Side-Effects

Physics L Mahadevan of Harvard and Enrique Cerda Villablanca of Santiago University, Chile, for studying how sheets become wrinkled

Biology Johanna van Bronswijk of Eindhoven University of Technology, Netherlands, for a census of the mites, insects, spiders, pseudoscorpions, crustaceans, bacteria, algae, ferns and fungi with whom we share our beds

Chemistry Mayu Yamamoto of the International Medical Centre of Japan, for developing a way to extract vanilla essence from cow dung

Linguistics Juant Manuel Toro, Josep Trobalon and Núria Sebastián-Gallés, of Barcelona University, for showing that rats cannot tell the difference between a person speaking Japanese backwards and a person speaking Dutch backwards

Literature Glenda Browne of Australia, for her study of the word "the" and the problems it causes when indexing

Peace The Air Force Wright Laboratory, Dayton, Ohio, for instigating research on a chemical weapon to make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other

Nutrition Brian Wansink of Cornell University, for exploring the seemingly boundless appetites of human beings by feeding them with a self-refilling, bottomless bowl of soup

Economics Kuo Cheng Hsieh, of Taiwan, for patenting a device that catches bank robbers by dropping a net over them

Aviation Patricia V Agostino, Santiago A Plano and Diego A Golombek of Argentina, for the discovery that Viagra aids jetlag recovery in hamsters

Love to you all,

Greg


Jacob considers himself to be one of the lucky ones because he's the only one of his family to have survived two years in a concentration camp. He's now nearing 90 and his only remaining joy is the national lottery, which he's been playing for years without success. But then he wins the big one, a prize of $10 million.

A journalist from the Times calls on him for a story.

Jacob tells him, "As I'm the only one in my family to have survived the concentration camps, this has helped me decide how to make use of my large win. So, I've decided to donate $5 million to the Save the Children Fund, $3 million to the Simon Wiesenthal Centre, $750,000 to the Jewish Museum, $750,000 Hadassah Hospital and $500,000 to be shared amongst my friends. I'm also thinking of donating $1 to the Nazi Party from my winnings."

The journalist is surprised. "But Jacob, how can you think of donating even $1 to the Nazi party after everything that's happened to you and your family?"

Jacob rolls up his sleeve, points to his arm, smiles and replies, "It's only fair. They gave me the winning numbers."


Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

What are men like? Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to enjoy with dinner.


A married couple was in a terrible accident in which the woman's face was severely burned.

The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too thin.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "Think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."


Back to the Befouled Weakly News

Back to Greg's Temporary Home Page