The Befouled Weakly News

16 September 2007

Good morning on what looks like it could become a most enjoyable day. Certainly yesterday was fabulous – clear, bright, sunny and warm – and today is looking like it could be similar. Yesterday brought an 18 mile bike ride around and about – who knows what this afternoon might bring.

The second batch of offspring of our resident swallows have been flexing their wings over the past few days as they hurriedly try to build up their strength and endurance prior to their expedition to South Africa and, in so doing, have provided much entertainment and amusement. We were a bit worried that this batch was going to be so late that they wouldn't stand much of a chance on the migration and, of course, they still may not. However, we have been somewhat encouraged by the sight of them swooping in and out of the garage, particularly when one or the other of us walks through.

They do get a bit confused from time to time however and end up needing to be rescued. The garage has two parts with a doorway (no physical door as such) between the two. Once inside the “other” part the baby swallows naturally make their way toward the window in an attempt to escape. Naturally, the window is shut so they are obliged to flutter about awaiting rescue even though if they were to simply turn around they would probably see the open doorway and the route to freedom. Ms Playchute spent much of yesterday tending to her garden and reclining in the sunshine with a good book. She also seems to have spent much of that time rescuing baby swallows from the garage.

Similarly, when the front door to the house is open the babies frequently arrive indoors experimenting with their flying prowess and exploring a new environment. Of course, once inside they find it virtually impossible to find their way out again through the open door. We've found them in the bedroom, in the SeamStress office upstairs and even in the workshop and naturally, once they see us they (a) try to fly away even though we are trying to guide them towards the window we've just opened for them and (b) poop all over the walls, floor, bed covers, etc. I have suggested that it might be a good idea to keep the front door closed just at the moment but some of our residents have difficulty remembering to do so, it seems.

The other animal who needed rescuing the other day was our very own Molly who spent about five hours in the back of the car because no one remembered to let her out! I got home about seven, did a bit of work and then we sat down to dinner and ended up watching a film. About 10ish, when the film had finished and we were packing up to go to bed, I enquired as to where Molly was, not having seen her all evening. (That's not necessarily unusual – she is not the most demonstrative of dogs on one's arrival home and she often spends her evening reclining in the library rather than joining us in the lounge. So, not having noticed her all evening was not a great surprise). However, this prompted Pen to initiate a search and, when she was located no where in the house, the investigation moved out of doors. After a few moments, she was found reclining in the back of the car where she had been ever since she had returned with Pen and her folks from her afternoon walk around the reservoir that afternoon. It seems that Pen had popped the latch to the back door of the car but had then become distracted in fetching an onion from the garden for dinner. Neither Beryl nor Oz thought to open the back door of the car so there she was stuck – for five hours! Now, most dogs might let you know, you might think, that they were (a) trapped in the car and (b) missing their dinner. Not our Molly, it seems. I suspect she found it difficult to believe that they could keep her incarcerated at the most important part of the day but not a peep out of her to express her dissatisfaction. Eventually she was re-united with her dinner so alls well that ends well, I suppose.

Love to you all,

Greg


Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her step mom to exchange it, but she refused." Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it.

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."


The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?"

The new member replied, "Yes, my mother-in-law."


It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. "I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm. "I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!" The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting, "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."


EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH!

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments the Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.

AMEN!


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