Good morning to you all. While it is not actually raining at the moment, apparently the forecast is for eleven hours of torrential downpour beginning at some point today – just what all those poor sods in Tewkesbury, Cheltenham and Gloucester need to help raise their spirits.

Yesterday, I have to confess, was a pretty nice day. I was tempted to say that it was a fabulous day but I think my perception of what constitutes a fine day has become somewhat clouded in recent weeks. Essentially, any day without rain at the moment is a pretty fine day and if there is a bit of blue sky from time to time it can be considered a fabulous day and if it also happens to be warm and not too windy it can reach the heights of a fantastic day. On that basis yesterday was a fabulous and partially fantastic day – it didn’t rain and there was some blue sky here and there although it was moderately windy and not particularly warm.

All of which was fortunate for our friend and former colleague Steph whose wedding we attended yesterday afternoon – I’m not sure how she and/or her family were able to co-ordinate the weather but whomever they spoke to delivered the goods. The one rain-free day this month, it seems. It was a fun day even if Ms Playchute and I were amongst the very early retirees, along with the two and three year olds whose parents used them as an excuse for their early departure. We were able to use our flooded houseguests, one of whom has been a bit poorly, as an excuse to escape the dancing 'til midnight competition which we have regrettably outgrown.

Don’t know how many of you have been following Pete’s expedition but those of you who have will know that hopefully he will be interviewed on tonight’s baseball programme on Channel 5. After the host of the programme failed to get in touch with him at the All Star Game several of us wrote to “complain” and it seems to have worked. We had an apology on last Sunday’s programme and a promise to get in touch. It seems that they have indeed been in touch and we are promised an interview in tonight’s programme which could become a regular feature of the show. (I guess it depends on how entertaining and/or interesting Pete turns out to be whilst being interviewed). Hopefully, I can capture it and put it on the web site for you. In the meantime, you can look at Pete’s second mention on the programme either on his web site (http://www.heavenoriowa.com) or by going directly to Google Video here.

And finally, another video reference for you – as you will know, our favourite diplomat had the dubious pleasure of entertaining the Duchess of York while she was on a two or three day visit to Liberia in support of her charity Children in Crisis. She did a piece for the BBC which includes an interview with Jordan which you can find here. Stick with it – he comes on after about 58 seconds.

See some of you on Wednesday and most of the rest in the next few days. We’re looking forward to a bit of sunshine, please.

Love to you all,

Greg

As we were at a wedding yesterday, I was amused to run across the following wedding announcements where the lucky couples have an unfortunate juxtaposition of surnames in the wedding announcements. Apparently the Crapp – Beer wedding was also held yesterday!

GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS; It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about....

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

Satan was complaining bitterly to God: "You made the world so that it was not fair."

And God said, "Yes."

"And you made it so that most people would have to struggle every day, fight against their innate wishes and desires, and deal with all sorts of losses, grief, disasters, and catastrophes."

And God said, "Yes."

"Yet people worship and adore you. People fight, get arrested, and cheat each other, and I get blamed, even when it is not my fault."

And God said, "Uh huh. So?"

"Sure, I'm evil, but give me a break. Can't you do something to make them stop blaming me?"

And so God created lawyers.

Old Rabbi Wolfson was begging his board of directors to buy a new chandelier for the synagogue. Pleading for more than an hour, he sat down sullen and hopeless in his ambition to acquire a chandelier.

Then the elder president of the board stood up. "What're we wasting time talkin' for?" he said rhetorically. "Foist of all, a chandelier, ... we ain't got nobody who could even spell it. Second, we ain't got nobody who could even play it. And third, what we need most in the synagogue is more light!"

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