Good morning on a fairly beautiful, bright Sunday morning in delightful downtown Byfield. It is glorious which is in marked contrast to the rain, thunder, hail and flooding we have had provided for our amusement for much of this week. To be fair, the rain has been of the sharp, torrential ten minute downpour variety followed by periods when it has only been wet. During the downpours, however, the rain drops have been the size of mature cantaloupe melons. Actually, I mustn't exaggerate – the rain drops have merely been the size of grapefruit resulting in the flooding of our patio and the overflowing of Penelope's Pond. Indeed, there has been so much rain that the fish from the pond have been spotted out on the lawn from time to time reclining in miniature fish-sized deck chairs reclining in the liquid sunshine.
And, you know what? Now that I have just finished writing that paragraph, the cloud has come over, the bright, brilliant sunshine has vanished and it looks like we could be in store for some more grapefruit-sized raindrops after all. At least the fish are happy.
I guess most of you will have received the news that our pal Pete is back on the road following his enforced stay in Albuquerque. It's clearly a relief for him to be back on the move again but the result is that the Southern California leg of his expedition has to be scrapped. Keep tuned, though – I gather that the plan is to re-visit that leg of his trip at a point to be determined, possibly next summer.
I am disappointed to have to report that the confirmed reservations for the 30 th anniversary celebrations are looking somewhat low at this point. So far we have received reservations only from Mom and Dad, Sallie and Rod, Pen, me and Nick and Sandy and Pam. Susie did indicate that she was planning to come and was going to get her tickets sorted that very weekend. That was several weeks ago and no word since! Similarly, Sarah said that she and Randy would be attending but no confirmation of dates yet and Ben has tentatively indicated that he and Donna will come but probably only over the long weekend in the middle. Karin and Zach cannot come, according to Sallie but no news on the attendance of Lisa, Jason and Amelie and nothing about Karl and Katie, either. Same with Emily and David and no word at all from Steph and Hope. Come on you guys! There are only forty-eight days until the commencement of the activities and, amongst other things, the Great White Chief needs to be able to confirm accommodation arrangements with the various hoteliers in the vicinity.
Finally, as you will know, Ms Playchute spent considerable time and energy redecorating the lounge. During the decorating process, the piano was moved out into the entrance hall to get it out of the way. Since the completion of the decorating activities some weeks ago, however, the piano has steadfastly remained stranded in the entrance hall looking somewhat out of place while Ms Playchute decides (a) does she want it back in the lounge or (b) does she want to dispose of it in some fashion or even, perhaps, (c) does she want it somewhere else. (I think, at the moment, she is leaning towards the disposal option as it rarely gets played). Still, as we all know, we humans are marvellously adept at adapting to our environment – it's what evolution is all about, after all. The attached photo indicates how we have begun to adapt to our new environment, using the piano in its new location for a very important purpose – as a conveniently situated surface on which to place our refreshments from time to time.
Love to you all,
Greg
One only need two tools in life: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Hmmm. Some of these seem pretty sensible to me.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Not that any of this would apply to our parents:
Signs You're Getting Too Old To Drive...
You think an SUV might be too small to be safe.
It takes more than four minutes to get out of your car.
When backing into a parking spot, you just back up until you hear a crunch.
It scares you to drive the speed limit.
The only thing you pass on the road anymore is the Amish.
You use cruise control because your leg fell asleep.
You use cruise control at 25 mph.
You inquired if the dealership could install magnifying glass for the windshield.
Your turn signal has been on since 2003.
Your bumper sticker endorses Eisenhower.
When the police pull you over, they're surprised to find out you're sober.
I was in my car one day listening to a guy on the radio help callers with their home problems. One woman called up hysterical after finding a skunk in her basement.
"Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or cat food from your basement to your backyard," suggested the show's host. "That'll get rid of it."
An hour later the woman called back, even more upset. "Now I have TWO skunks in my basement!"
Back to the Befouled Weakly News Index
Back to Greg's Temporary Home Page