Good morning on a fairly depressing, grey and dismal sort of day. The forecast is for unremitting rain for the majority of the day so it’s a good job I have lots of work to get through or I might be cursing the missed opportunity of enjoying the great outdoors. And, if I finish my work before too much of the day has expired, I always have a bit of sport I can recline in front of.
It’s been a very tedious and therefore very dull week, I’m afraid. I don’t even have an amusing, off-beat story from the internet to share with you. And the coming week is not looking any better so, if you want to improve the content of this newsletter, send me some stuff – the so-called “jokes” are certainly getting increasingly feeble.
It’s also been one of those weeks where anything which can go wrong has tended to go wrong. Firstly, early in the week Pen had a spate of flat tyres – she would go out in the early hours hoping to drive to Banbury for her morning mile swim to find the rear, passenger side tyre deflated. So, she took it up to the local garage who, naturally, couldn’t find anything wrong with it. After being re-inflated off she went only to discover that the tyre was flat again the following morning. The garage finally discovered that the wheel itself had become bent causing the tyre to, essentially, shred itself as she drives along. Fortunately, she never has to drive too far nor too fast but we now have to find a new wheel of the appropriate style and dimensions to match the others. Apparently, there’s one on e-Bay due to finish at 6.00 this evening which will do the business.
Then, also earlier in the week, the washing machine started making grinding noises – a coin in the pump turned out to be the culprit. Once that was cleared, however, the washing machine decided to stop going through its cycle in a sensible fashion. Turns out that the circuit board is fried and it’s not worth replacing. So, another visit to the internet shopping emporiums, this time to Curry’s online auction of dramatically reduced, shop-soiled/ex-demonstration models. Pen hasn’t won any of the auctions yet but is quietly confident of securing a new washing machine soon. Let’s hope so as I am rapidly running out of underwear.
And, since mishaps such as these always come in threes, we were sitting watching television the other evening when there was a loud crash on the back patio. We had imagined a lorry had come off the road or something similar but when we looked out the window we could see the remains of Penelope’s chimnea in pieces on the ground. It had developed some large, gaping cracks as a result of being somewhat over-cooked last summer and a gust of wind had finished it off. At least now we can look forward to weeks with no incidents, we hope.
Thanks to those who replied to my e-mail about the upcoming anniversary of Sanford and Father, Unlimited. So far it looks like Mom and Dad, me and Pen and Sallie and Rod will definitely be there. I had imagined that Sandy and Pam might be as well but perhaps the lack of a response suggests that they are frantically trying to find somewhere else to be during those first two weeks of August. Susie did reply and suggest that she was planning to be there the whole time but was hoping to arrange her arrival and departure around the comings and goings of others – I think she is hoping to share lifts rather than ensure she avoids one or other of us but we’ll need to see that actual dates in order to determine the truth. So, that leaves confirmation yet to come from Steph and Hope and Sarah and Randy. Again, perhaps they’re waiting for a better offer.
Great excitement yesterday – I fitted our first water butt out on the back patio in the general vicinity of the vegetable beds. I know, it’s a disgrace that we’ve lived in this country all these years and have never erected a water butt to collect the multitude of rain we have. Of course, we generally haven’t needed to collect water in this country as it is so damp much of the time. But now, it seems increasingly necessary and especially so if we want to continue to be able to enjoy Penelope’s fresh produce. At the rate it’s raining today, I expect it to be full by 3.45 this afternoon.
And finally, a Happy Mother’s Day to our mother and to all of you who are mothers.
Love to you all,
Greg
A tour bus full of loud, obnoxious Americans from Cleveland arrived at Runnymeade, England.
They got off the bus and gathered around the guide who patiently waited for them to stop talking. Then he said, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
Complete boredom on the tourist's faces.
The guide asked, "Are there any questions."
One man in the back hollered, "Yeah, when did that happen?"
"1215," replied the guide.
The man in the back glanced at his watch and said, "Dang. Just missed it by a half hour."
I had moved to South Carolina from New York, and at that time a vehicle inspection was required to register my car. I was nervous; my car was in rough shape. I thought of New York State's rigorous inspections. Any number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix. I drove down a country road and found a garage that had an inspection sign. When I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled the car, turned on the lights and honked the horn. Then he attached a new sticker and asked me for the three-dollar fee.
I was shocked. "Is that all you have to do?" I asked.
He answered, "Well, you drove it here, didn't you?"
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased; what an honest man he was, what a loving husband and kind father he had been.
The widow, meanwhile was ever so slightly shaking her head, as she intently listened to the preacher's words.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children....
"Erica, honey, go on up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa in there."
Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents' occupations.
The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living."
I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms.
When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels."
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