Good morning on a grey and subdued morning in beautiful downtown Byfield. Although warmer than might be considered usual for this time of year, I suppose, the dismal slate-grey skies are more akin to what we would normally expect to enjoy in late February. To be sure, it has been so warm this winter that the daffodils are already beginning to poke their shoots above the ground and I have even seen a few of the early bloomers standing alone with their compatriots in a few places.

Of course the big news this weekend (actually, just about the only news this week) is the continuing march of Penelope’s Re-decorating project. As I wrote last week, Ms Playchute has been working diligently for the past couple of weeks painting the lounge with the occasional hindrance from me. It’s virtually finished now (I think she only has to do the ceiling one more time due to my thoughtfully and helpfully pointing out the areas she had missed) and the new carpet arrives on Wednesday, apparently. However, as you can imagine, simply redecorating one large room is not enough of a project to keep Ms Playchute amused for very long so she insisted that we do my study as well.

To be fair, my study is the one room in the house which has never been decorated by us and it is still its pristine “Gardenia” which is the shade it is was painted before we moved in. I’ve had a piece of ex-exhibition carpet (the sort that is designed to withstand the wear for a weekend) on the floor for ten years and my chair had gradually worked two large, gaping holes in the “carpet” over time. So, it was time for a bit of love and attention which, of course, it was never going to get from me. So, last weekend we stopped in at the carpet shop in town (we are, at the moment, amongst their favourite customers having ordered a carpet for the lounge large enough to cover most of Rhode Island) to look for something suitable for my study. As you can imagine, my input to the discussion was, “That’s nice” or “Yes, that one’s fine” or “You know what – I really don’t care” (which was not a particularly helpful contribution to the process, I have to confess) but in the end, despite my hindrance, we choose a perfectly pleasant oatmeal shade which is similarly being delivered and installed on Wednesday.

In preparation, therefore, we were obliged to empty my study while, at the same time, leaving me sufficient technology to remain connected to the outside world. The attached show both the lounge and my study at their best, I am sure you will agree. Still, the process of emptying the room did give me a chance to go through my drawers, as they say, and discard an appreciable collection of rubbish which had accumulated over the previous ten (and more) years. We filled the back of Penelope’s car with defunct and dead printers, several hundred thousand no-longer-required floppy disks and installation disks for programs which ceased being of any use in 1992. If I don’t watch out, I am in danger of becoming quite excited by the prospect of having a properly decorated and equipped study and had to stop myself looking through the catalogues for a new office chair and a new desk. On the other hand, if the study does end up looking too efficiently business-like, I might have to actually start doing my job seriously which, of course, must be resisted at all costs.

Hmmm. Tough choice.

Love to you all,

Greg

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman."

"Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that’s a switch! What did she say?"

She said, "Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!"

A couple of old guys were golfing one day, when one of the men said that he was going to go to Dr. Basil for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His elderly friend remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.

"Is that so?" the first old gentleman asked. "Did he do a good job?"

The second gent replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the testicles."

The first old guy was confused and asked, "What does that have to do with your dentures?"

"Well," the second man answered, "that was the first time in two years that my teeth didn't hurt."

Over the weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of some National Dog Show event as I flipped through the channels. The dog on the screen at the time was a white English sheepdog. It was simply a mound of fur with four legs. The judge was brushing back the dog's hair so she could look at the animal's eyes.

The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its eyes checked to make sure they're the right shape, color, etc.

Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. 'Cuz if you start combing through all that hair and you only see ONE eye... then you're looking at the wrong end of the dog."

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school.

Her marks were good. Mostly A's and a couple of B's. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:

"Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."

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