Good morning on what could easily be mistaken as a thoroughly delightful Spring morning were it not for the fact that just over a week ago we endured the worst snow storm of the century and, as predicted by the BBC and other forecasters, we were on the verge of the end of civilisation. We were particularly delighted, therefore, to receive Pam’s message and photograph of the unseasonably mild almost temperate weather those of you in the northeast are currently enjoying. The next time the BBC predicts a snow storm of Biblical proportions I think I will send them Pam’s photo in an effort to educate the British public as to what constitutes winter weather. I attach it since not all of you are on Pam’s mailing list and I wouldn’t want anyone to miss the irony. In particular, as Pam says, notice the submerged Adirondack chair in the foreground.
I spent a couple of hours yesterday doing one of my least favourite things. (Actually, now that I come to think of it, just about anything involving any effort whatever would probably make it on to my list of things I least enjoy doing). I cannot remember whether I have written before but Ms Playchute has decided to redecorate the living room/lounge. Gone is the terracotta carpet, the brick chimney breast has been largely plastered over and the very tasteful pale salmon walls are soon to disappear. She is moving into her “beige/mushroom/oatmeal” phase and is busily dousing everything in undercoat to prepare for the big decorating push. The task is so monumental that I foolishly offered to lend a hand yesterday and so undercoated the two lounge doors, hence engaging in one of my least-favourite things – painting. Fortunately, Pen was on hand to reduce the impact of my incompetence by carefully and tactfully brushing away the accumulation of paint in the corners. Still, I feel I must be commended for providing generous quantities of encouragement as she was painting the ceiling – “You missed that bit” or “that bit there looks a bit streaky” or “Hmmm. You’ll have to do that section again.” Surprisingly, we are still on speaking terms.
I’m sure you are all geared up for Chinese New Year’s which starts today. It is the year of the Pig but this year it happens to be a Golden Pig which occurs only once every six decades. As you will all be aware, the twelve signs of the Chinese zodiac rotate each lunar year while the five elements – metal (gold), water, wood, fire and earth – apparently rotate every other year. Adam and Sugar will undoubtedly be able to correct me but as near as I can figure out, the Pig means health and wealth and when it coincides with gold in the rotation of the five elements, it means an even greater abundance of health and wealth. Apparently, they are expecting a population boom in Asian countries as this would be an exceedingly auspicious year in which to be born.
And, as if that wasn’t enough, it’s also the weekend of Mardi Gras – what a weekend to party!
Finally, the attached is of our favourite diplomat, the UN Secretary General’s Deputy Special Representative for Liberia, Jordan Ryan who was in Washington this week for a Partner’s Forum Meeting on the re-building of Liberia. Jordan was interviewed on Radio Unicef and there is a four-minute extract which should play in Real Player if you click here. You may need to right-click it and save it to your computer to listen, if you are so inclined, or it may not work at all. You can find the whole article and the link to the audio file at here.
The day looks so fine that I am hoping to get a bike ride out of it.
Yours in the saddle,
Greg
While in college I took a telephone solicitation job in the evenings, starting at six o'clock. On my very first call I reached a woman who said she was busy, but would call me back later. "I'm so sorry," I said, "but we're not allowed to take incoming calls."
"Don't worry, dear," she replied. "Just give me your home phone number and the time you have dinner."
A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?"
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again.
Still no response, so he moves to five feet. No answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for supper?"
She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf bastard!"
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and told me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night," the Italian said, "I made love to my wife six times, and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man."
When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once!?" the Italian arrogantly snorted while the Frenchman laughed. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
"She said, 'I guess we had better stop -- it's time to get up.'"
The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library, so when my husband's co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks looking confused, she asked how she could help.
"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.
"Which one?" she asked.
He scanned the shelves and answered, "William."
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