The Befouled Weakly News
21 January 2007

Well, so much for Ms Playchute’s strategy of supporting birds in the American football playoffs. Down go the Eagles, Seahawks and Ravens all in one fell swoop. Still, it was a nice theory with a certain elegance while it lasted. Now the issue is whether one transfers ones support to four-legged beasts (i.e. the Colts or the Bears), two-legged humanoids (the Patriots) or some sort of spiritual inanimate (the Saints). Perhaps she should opt for the four-legged variety and hope for a Bears – Colts Superbowl – we’ll see.

Very exciting week on the weather front. Don’t know if it made the news elsewhere but we had horrendous storms in the second part of the week with gale force winds; twelve people killed in the UK, apparently and another dozen or so in other parts of Europe mainly through trees falling on cars, chimneys and gable walls tumbling down and garden walls collapsing. Still, temperatures remain very mild although the weather people say we may get some more wintry weather in the coming week.

We had a lovely evening with Nick last night helping him celebrate his birthday. I can’t imagine why he invites a couple of old fogies to his birthday party each year but I think they enjoyed themselves – we did certainly! He had prepared all sorts of little nibbles which were delicious and a hatful of his friends and work colleagues rounded out the celebratory gathering. Naturally, we went home to an early bed as soon as we had eaten all his nibbles, drunk all his wine and had a large slab of chocolate & peanut butter birthday cake although the youngsters went on to further festivities at a local pub and/or nightclub in town.

The following from the BBC web site was moderately intriguing – why go shooting if you’re then going to spend buckets on a vet’s bill to repair the damage?

Duck survives two days in fridge
A duck in the US state of Florida has survived gunshot wounds and a two-day stint in a refrigerator.

A hunter shot the duck, wounding it in the wing and leg. Believing the bird was dead, he left it in his fridge at his home in Tallahassee.

The hunter's wife got a fright when she opened the fridge and the duck lifted its head, a local veterinarian said.

Staff at the Goose Creek Animal Sanctuary who are treating the bird said it has a 75% chance of survival.

The plucky duck was taken first to a local animal hospital, and then to an animal sanctuary for more specialised treatment.

A veterinarian at the sanctuary said he thinks the duck will live, but will probably never be well enough to be released into the wild.

The veterinarian, David Hale, said the duck's low metabolism rate helped it survive its time in the refrigerator, the Tallahassee Democrat newspaper reported.

"This is an extremely tough duck with a lot of spirit to live," he said. "This shows how tough and adaptable wildlife are".

I’m sure our mother would have done the same.

Love to you all,

Greg

From Dad - Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace! I am personally very familiar with Number 17.

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day "swimming upstream," only to get screwed to death in the process.

5. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a Cube Farm, and people's heads pop up over the partitions to see what's going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

8. SITCOMS: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them has to stop working and stay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are really annoying, but you are unable to stop watching them due to a compulsive attachment to the boob-tube.

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. This is seldom effective.

14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

15. A "404." Someone who's "clueless." ( From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.)

16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17. OHNO-SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting "Send" on an email that needed some serious revisions).

18. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

From Donna

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder

1. All the DNA is the same.

2. There are no dental records.

With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the church, the minister asked Brother Robert to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.

The husband shyly stood and turned to the audience: "Well, I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her travelling on special occasions."

The minister inquired, "Trips to where?"

"Well," the man says, "for our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

An appreciative murmur went up in the congregation.

The minister then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Robert. Please tell the brethren what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

"Big plans!" he said with a smile. "I'm headin' back to Beijing to pick her up!"

From Dad

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're Bullshittin' me!"

The Social Worker says, "Yeah, well... You started it."

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