This came from my friend Julie:<\/p>\n
The teacher was telling an infant class of children about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.<\/p>\n
Little Gemma at the back of the class put her hand up and asks the teacher, “Are you sure about the stork, Miss? I think you\u2019re getting your birds mixed up ‘cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag in Scarborough……..”<\/p>\n
I can’t remember who sent this along – it might have been my Father but, if not, I apologise for the lack of accreditation.<\/p>\n
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.<\/p>\n
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.<\/p>\n
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.<\/p>\n
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.<\/p>\n
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.<\/p>\n
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.<\/p>\n
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.<\/p>\n
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.<\/p>\n
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. (Penny is very familiar with this phenomena, especially if the machine is a computer).<\/p>\n
Law of Bio-mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.<\/p>\n
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.<\/p>\n
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.<\/p>\n
Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.<\/p>\n
Law of Dirty Rugs\/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet\/rug.<\/p>\n
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.<\/p>\n
Brown’s Law: If the shoe fits, it’s really ugly.<\/p>\n
Wilson’s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, or change it for the worse.<\/p>\n
One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth.<\/p>\n
“Adam, you can start by kissing Eve.”<\/p>\n
“Lord, what is a kiss?” asked Adam.<\/p>\n
God explained, and then Adam went over to Eve and kissed her.<\/p>\n
A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, “Lord! That was great! What’s next?”<\/p>\n
“Adam, I now want you to caress Eve.”<\/p>\n
“Lord, what is caress?'” asked Adam.<\/p>\n
God explained, and then Adam went to Eve and caressed her.<\/p>\n
A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, “Lord, that was even better than a kiss! What’s next?”<\/p>\n
“Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve.”<\/p>\n
“Lord, what is ‘make love?'” asked Adam.<\/p>\n
God explained, and then Adam went back to Eve.<\/p>\n
A few minutes later, Adam returned and asked, “Lord, what is a headache?”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This came from my friend Julie: The teacher was telling an infant class of children about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest. Little Gemma at the back … <\/p>\n