During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.<\/p>\n
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub; we then offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”<\/p>\n
“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”<\/p>\n
A man arrives in Heaven appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.<\/p>\n
St. Peter looks over his paperwork. The guy looks OK, but he wants to be sure. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asks.<\/p>\n
“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man replies. “On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers threatening a young woman. I warned them to leave her alone.”<\/p>\n
“That’s impressive,” the gatekeeper says. “Then what happened?”<\/p>\n
“Well, they wouldn’t back off, so I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now back off, biker boy, or you’ll answer to me!”<\/p>\n
“That’s really brave,” St. Peter said, clearly impressed. “But I don’t have it in your paperwork. When did this happen?”<\/p>\n
“Let’s see,” the man says, looking at his watch. “About a minute and a half ago.”<\/p>\n
An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”<\/p>\n
One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.<\/p>\n
Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”<\/p>\n
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”<\/p>\n
Doctor: “This is Gasoline!”<\/p>\n
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”<\/p>\n
The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.<\/p>\n
Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”<\/p>\n
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”<\/p>\n
Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!”<\/p>\n
Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”<\/p>\n
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.<\/p>\n
Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”<\/p>\n
Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.”<\/p>\n
Doctor: “But this is $500…”<\/p>\n
Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub; we then offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty … <\/p>\n