Why I Like Retirement!<\/p>\n
Question: How many days in a week?
\nAnswer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday<\/p>\n
Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
\nAnswer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.<\/p>\n
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
\nAnswer: Only one, but it might take all day.<\/p>\n
Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
\nAnswer: There is not enough time to get everything done.<\/p>\n
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
\nAnswer: The term comes with a 10% discount.<\/p>\n
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
\nAnswer: Tied shoes.<\/p>\n
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
\nAnswer: They are the only ones who have the time.<\/p>\n
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
\nAnswer: NUTS!<\/p>\n
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
\nAnswer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.<\/p>\n
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
\nAnswer: Normal.<\/p>\n
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
\nAnswer: The never ending Coffee Break.<\/p>\n
Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
\nAnswer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.<\/p>\n
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
\nAnswer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.<\/p>\n
And, my very favourite….<\/p>\n
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
\nAnswer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING….. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.<\/p>\n
A couple from the circus go to an adoption agency where officials are doubtful about their accommodation. They produce photographs of their 15-metre-long caravan in which the back half is a magnificently equipped nursery.<\/p>\n
But what about education for a child whose family is permanently on the move? “We have employed an Oxford don who will teach the child all the main subjects, plus Mandarin Chinese and IT skills.”<\/p>\n
But, they persist, what about health? “Our full-time nanny is also an expert in paediatric welfare and diet.”<\/p>\n
The agency is happy and ask the couple what age of child they were looking for.<\/p>\n
“It doesn’t really matter,” they say, “so long as he fits into the cannon.”<\/p>\n
A ventriloquist finds there’s no market for his act any more, so he sets up as a spiritualist. A woman asks how much it would cost to contact her late husband.<\/p>\n
“It would be \u00a320 for you to speak to him, \u00a340 for him to speak to you, and \u00a360 for you to have a conversation while I drink a glass of water.”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Why I Like Retirement! Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime? Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What’s the biggest gripe … <\/p>\n