A man goes into a pet shop, wanting to buy a bird. He sees a beautiful bird, the loveliest he\u2019s ever seen. He asks the shop owner how much the bird costs.<\/p>\n
The shop owner replies, \u201cThat bird is $1000\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?!?\u201d cries the man. \u201c$1000 for a bird? What does it do that makes it worth that much?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I\u2019m glad you asked,\u201d says the shop owner. \u201cYou see, that bird can sing every female role in the Ring Cycle from memory.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man is truly impressed but he cannot afford to spend that much money. He sees a shorter, but still beautiful bird in another cage and asks how much that bird costs.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat bird is $2000,\u201d replies the shop owner.<\/p>\n
The man asks what this bird can do.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d says the shop owner, \u201che can play any Paganini concerto you request on the violin from memory.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man is amazed but he can\u2019t afford this bird either.<\/p>\n
He then sees an ancient, hunched, half-dead, ugly, bald bird croaking and gasping in a cage in the corner of the shop.<\/p>\n
Thinking that this bird would not cost very much he enquires of the proprietor, \u201cHow much for the half dead bird in the corner?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, that bird is $20000,\u201d he is told by the owner.<\/p>\n
Flabbergasted, the man asks what this bird does.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, we haven\u2019t found out yet,\u201d the owner replies, \u201cbut the other two call him \u2018Maestro\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, “Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!”<\/p>\n
The wife says, “Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?”<\/p>\n
He says, “I don’t care! Just be out by the end of the week!”<\/p>\n
Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver, seeing that they were so wasted when they got in, switched on the engine, let it run for a few minutes and then switched it off, announcing, \u201cHere you are, gentlemen.\u201d<\/p>\n
The 1st drunk paid him the fare, the 2nd drunk said, \u201cThank you very much.\u201d<\/p>\n
However, the 3rd drunk slapped him hard across the face.<\/p>\n
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized the car hadn\u2019t move an inch.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat was that for,\u201d the driver asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cControl your speed next time, you almost killed us!\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A man goes into a pet shop, wanting to buy a bird. He sees a beautiful bird, the loveliest he\u2019s ever seen. He asks the shop owner how much the bird costs. The shop owner replies, \u201cThat bird is $1000\u201d. \u201cWhat?!?\u201d cries the man. \u201c$1000 for a bird? What does it do that makes it … <\/p>\n