{"id":5368,"date":"2013-11-03T07:00:14","date_gmt":"2013-11-03T07:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/?p=5368"},"modified":"2013-11-01T13:10:13","modified_gmt":"2013-11-01T13:10:13","slug":"3-november-2013-amusements","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/2013\/11\/03\/3-november-2013-amusements\/","title":{"rendered":"3 November 2013 – Amusements"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”<\/p>\n

She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”<\/p>\n

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”<\/p>\n

She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be Catholic.”<\/p>\n

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!<\/p>\n

“OK,” the nun says “Pull into the next alley.”<\/p>\n

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.<\/p>\n

“My dear child,” said the nun. “Why are you crying?”<\/p>\n

“Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”<\/p>\n

“That’s OK,” the nun says. “My name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.”<\/p>\n

\n

I was preparing lunch for my granddaughter when the phone rang.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

“If you can answer one easy trivia question,” a young man said, “you’ll win ten free dance lessons!”<\/p>\n

Before I could tell him I was not interested he continued, “You’ll be a lucky winner if you can tell me what Alexander Graham Bell invented.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t know,” I replied dryly, trying to discourage him.<\/p>\n

“What are you holding in your hand right now?” he asked excitedly.<\/p>\n

“A bologna sandwich.”<\/p>\n

“Congratulations!” he yelled. “And for having such a great sense of humor…”<\/p>\n

\n

We\u2019ve probably had this before, I think.<\/p>\n

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He Got into the taxi, and said, “Perfect timing. You’re just Like Andrew”<\/p>\n

Cabbie: “Who?”<\/p>\n

Passenger: “Andrew Sullivan. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like your coming along when I needed a cab, things happen like that to Andrew Sullivan, every single time.”<\/p>\n

Cabbie: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”<\/p>\n

Passenger: “Not Andrew Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”<\/p>\n

Cabbie: “Sounds like he was something really special.”<\/p>\n

Passenger: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Andrew Sullivan, he could do everything right.”<\/p>\n

Cabbie: “Wow. Some guy then.”<\/p>\n

Passenger: “Yep, and he really knew how to treat a woman. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Andrew Sullivan.”<\/p>\n

Cabbie: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”<\/p>\n

Passenger: “Well, I never actually met Andrew. He died. I’m married to his damned widow.”<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.” She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re … <\/p>\n

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