A man goes to the confessional and begins, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”<\/p>\n
“What is your sin, my son?” the priest asks back.<\/p>\n
“Well,” the man starts, “I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible.”<\/p>\n
“When did you use this awful language?” asks the priest.<\/p>\n
“I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards.”<\/p>\n
“Is that when you swore?”<\/p>\n
“No, Father,” says the man. “After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth, and began to run away.”<\/p>\n
“Is that when you swore?” asks the priest again.<\/p>\n
“Well, no,” says the man. “You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!”<\/p>\n
“Is that when you swore?” asks the amazed priest.<\/p>\n
“No, not yet,” the man replies. “As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew toward the green. As it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball.”<\/p>\n
“Did you swear then?” asks the now impatient priest.<\/p>\n
“No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, rolled through a sand trap onto the green, and stopped within six inches of the hole.”<\/p>\n
The priest sighs. “You missed the putt, didn’t you?”<\/p>\n
An old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg. \u201cI am afraid it\u2019s just old age,\u201d said the doctor, \u201cthere is nothing we can do about it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat can\u2019t be,\u201d fumed the old man, \u201cyou don\u2019t know what you are doing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow can you possibly know I am wrong?\u201d countered the doctor.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell it\u2019s quite obvious,\u201d the old man replied, \u201cmy other leg is fine, and it\u2019s the exact same age!\u201d<\/p>\n
I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin. Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains, I asked, “Can I bring you some club soda?”<\/p>\n
“Young lady,” she barked, “I’ll be the judge of when I’ve had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!”<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A man goes to the confessional and begins, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” “What is your sin, my son?” the priest asks back. “Well,” the man starts, “I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible.” “When did you use this awful language?” asks the priest. “I was golfing and … <\/p>\n