{"id":417,"date":"2011-04-10T06:49:23","date_gmt":"2011-04-10T06:49:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/wordpress\/?p=417"},"modified":"2011-04-10T06:49:23","modified_gmt":"2011-04-10T06:49:23","slug":"10-april-amusements","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/2011\/04\/10\/10-april-amusements\/","title":{"rendered":"10 April – Amusements"},"content":{"rendered":"

From Sarah:<\/p>\n

Paraprosdokian Wit and Wisdom<\/p>\n

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anti-climax.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.<\/li>\n
  2. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.<\/li>\n
  3. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.<\/li>\n
  4. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.<\/li>\n
  5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.<\/li>\n
  6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.<\/li>\n
  7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.<\/li>\n
  8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.<\/li>\n
  9. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.<\/li>\n
  10. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?<\/li>\n
  11. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.<\/li>\n
  12. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.<\/li>\n
  13. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “In an emergency, notify:” I put “Doctor”.<\/li>\n
  14. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.<\/li>\n
  15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.<\/li>\n
  16. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.<\/li>\n
  17. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!<\/li>\n
  18. Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.<\/li>\n
  19. I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.<\/li>\n
  20. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.<\/li>\n
  21. I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.<\/li>\n
  22. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.<\/li>\n
  23. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.<\/li>\n
  24. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.<\/li>\n
  25. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.<\/li>\n
  26. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.<\/li>\n
  27. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.<\/li>\n
  28. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.<\/li>\n
  29. Some people are like Slinkys … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.<\/li>\n
  30. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?<\/li>\n
  31. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?<\/li>\n
  32. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.<\/li>\n
  33. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.<\/li>\n
  34. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.<\/li>\n
  35. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.<\/li>\n
  36. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.<\/li>\n
  37. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.<\/li>\n
  38. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.<\/li>\n
  39. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.<\/li>\n
  40. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.<\/li>\n
  41. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?<\/li>\n
  42. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    From Sarah: Paraprosdokian Wit and Wisdom A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an … <\/p>\n

    Continue reading “10 April – Amusements”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-417","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-amusements"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9w76b-6J","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/417","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=417"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/417\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=417"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=417"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=417"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}