{"id":1930,"date":"2011-10-09T07:55:56","date_gmt":"2011-10-09T06:55:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/?p=1930"},"modified":"2011-10-07T14:09:24","modified_gmt":"2011-10-07T13:09:24","slug":"9-october-2011-amusements","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/2011\/10\/09\/9-october-2011-amusements\/","title":{"rendered":"9 October 2011 &#8211; Amusements"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Mr. Smith comes home from work and says that he has invited four of his friends from the office home for dinner on Friday night. Mrs. Smith is a bit apprehensive and asks if she must cook a meal for the four. Mister explains that there will be eight coming because each will bring his wife or a date. Since this is there first party, Mister consoles her by saying that all she has to do is get some Chinese food in and perhaps she can bake a cake. This sounds like a good idea, and they sit down and decide what Chinese food to get.<\/p>\n<p>Friday morning wife calls the office in tears. She explains that the only cake recipe she has will only feed six. Hubby says, &#8220;why don&#8217;t you just double the recipe?&#8221; She decides that is a good idea. At four, hubby gets another phone call &#8212; this time quite frantic.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I just can&#8217;t do it,&#8221; wifely weeps. &#8220;It&#8217;s impossible.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Now, now, what&#8217;s the matter?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Well, their recipe calls for two eggs&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;So, you use FOUR eggs. Don&#8217;t you have them?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Yes &#8212; then it needs 4 cups of flour.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Well,&#8221; hubby says rather testily, &#8220;you will have to use 8 cups of flour &#8212; what is the problem?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;It isn&#8217;t the ingredients,&#8221; wife sobs, &#8220;it says that the cake must be baked at 350 degrees and I have checked the oven and I can&#8217;t turn the heat up to 700 degrees!&#8221;<!--more--><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>This from Sarah:<\/p>\n<p><strong>The value of a Catholic education and a #2B pencil.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.<\/p>\n<p>One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Tell me Susie, who created the universe?\u2019<\/p>\n<p>When Susie didn&#8217;t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.<\/p>\n<p>&#8216;God Almighty&#8217;! shouted Susie.<\/p>\n<p>The Nun said, &#8216;Very good&#8217; and continued teaching her class.<\/p>\n<p>A little later the Nun asked Susie, &#8216;Who is our Lord and Saviour?&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>But Susie didn&#8217;t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.<\/p>\n<p>&#8216;Jesus Christ!!!&#8217; shouted Susie.<\/p>\n<p>And the Nun once again said, &#8216;Very good,&#8217; and Susie fell back asleep.<\/p>\n<p>The Nun asked her a third question&#8230;&#8217;What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child&#8217;?<\/p>\n<p>Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, &#8216;If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I&#8217;ll break it in half!&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>The nun fainted.<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p>Four people are in an airplane, the pilot, the smartest man in the world, the richest man in the world, and a punk teenager. The airplane experiences some difficulties, and the pilot informs the three passengers that the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes on the plane.<\/p>\n<p>The richest man in the world takes one, because he says that his lawyers will sue everyone else on the plane if he doesn&#8217;t survive.<\/p>\n<p>The smartest man in the world takes a parachute, because he thinks that the world would be a worse place without him.<\/p>\n<p>The pilot says to the punk &#8220;There&#8217;s only one parachute left, I&#8217;ll fight you for it.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;That won&#8217;t be necessary,&#8221; said the punk, &#8220;The smartest man in the world took my backpack.&#8221;<\/p>\n<hr \/>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Mr. Smith comes home from work and says that he has invited four of his friends from the office home for dinner on Friday night. Mrs. Smith is a bit apprehensive and asks if she must cook a meal for the four. Mister explains that there will be eight coming because each will bring his &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/2011\/10\/09\/9-october-2011-amusements\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;9 October 2011 &#8211; Amusements&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1930","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-amusements"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9w76b-v8","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1930","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1930"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1930\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1930"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1930"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.stragnell.com\/befoulednews\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1930"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}