Greg's Occasional News & Views
Just the one Christmas-themed “amusement” this week followed by an old Christmas favourite.
Global challenges require the North Pole to continue to take more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary. Continue reading “25 December 2011 – Amusements”
Good morning to you all.
Friday brought us our first snow of the year. We had been expecting it and, indeed, the weather forecasters ensured we anticipated its arrival all week as they told us every night on the evening news of the huge, low pressure system which was trundelling its way across the Atlantic. It certainly brought very high, gale force winds particularly to Scotland and the northwest and was predicted to dump horrific quantities of snow on everyone. You will be surprised to learn that the apocalyptic predictions turned out to be somewhat wide of the mark, especially in our region. We got what, in old measurements, would be called a “smattering” – the amount of snow which is too small to measure but which you know is there because the green of the grass has a slight white tinge to it in the morning.
A man goes to the doctor and reports that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up,” the doctor says. “Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then, just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, “My goodness, Doc, exactly what’s my problem?”
Says the doctor, “You’re not drinking enough water.” Continue reading “18 December 2011 – Amusements”
Good morning to you all. My goodness we’ve had some weather this week – howling, hurricane-force winds (especially in Scotland), bitingly cold with the occasional downpour of horizontal freezing (and stinging) rain. Snow in the highlands although we’ve not seen any yet, thank goodness.
We had an incident at the beginning of the week which got me to wondering. I guess there are two kinds of drivers – those who fill up their petrol tank at the first opportunity once the gauge gets a bit low and, in contrast, those who wait until the last possible moment, when the car is gasping and running on fumes. I am of the former propensity, Penelope is of the latter. Continue reading “11 December 2011”
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
“I’m 90 years old,” he says.
“90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”
“Oh, I have?” says the old man. “I’m sorry. How much do I owe you?” Continue reading “11 December 2011 – Amusements”
Good morning to you all. Only 21 days until Christmas!
With December comes the end of my Movember initiative raising money for research into prostate cancer, of course, and although I hope I’ve mailed everyone I did want to thank again all those who contributed so generously. Amazingly, I raised more than the £15 which had been my original expectation; indeed folks kindly donated more than £1000 and I am very grateful. I am also grateful for the many kind words of support which were posted on my Movember space (http://mobro.co/GregStragnell) and in the many personal messages I received. If you missed the photos of the “goat’s” development, you can catch a few photos there as well. Continue reading “4 December 2011”
I think we’ve had this before but what the heck:
One day in New York City, a banker was driving his new Jaguar down the streets. He parked it and opened the door to get out.
Suddenly a taxi went by and ripped the door off. The driver reported this to a nearby police officer.
The officer saw the whole thing and said “You bankers are so involved in your possessions. You didn’t even notice that your arm was ripped off as well”
The banker stared at where his arm used to be and said “OH NO! My new Rolex is gone too!” Continue reading “4 December 2011 – Amusements”
Thirty-nine years ago last Friday two fresh-faced youngsters with very little sense gathered with some friends and a couple of relations and made some crazy comments and absurd commitments. What were we thinking!!? And who would have thought that it would still be working all these years later! Continue reading “27 November 2011”
A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had run into one another virtually head-on.
One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, “He wouldn’t let me have my half of the road!”
After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, “That old lady says that you wouldn’t let her have her half of the road. Why not?
In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, “Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road — if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!” Continue reading “27 November 2011 – Amusements”
Good morning to you all.
It’s been a busy, busy week and that’s without any grand parenting duties – I actually had to do a bit of proper work. Yes, believe it or not, I actually had to go out into a couple of schools and work with teaching staff, administrative staff, headteachers and senior management teams helping them keep up with their Learning Platform. Every single day of the week! (Apart from Friday, of course). Continue reading “20 November 2011”