Greg's Occasional News & Views
A couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. When they were asked what their secret was to a long lasting marriage they said:
“We take the time to go out to a restaurant two times a week. A candlelight dinner, soft music and a slow walk home. She goes on Tuesdays, and I go on Fridays.” Continue reading “17 March 2013 – Amusements”
After some lovely Spring-like weather at the beginning of the week, it’s been downhill since then – rain, drizzle and fog along with Molly and my favourite consequence: mud. March has come in not so much roaring like a lion but slithering in like an eel. Continue reading “10 March 2013”
Four guys are having drinks and, as one heads to the restroom, the three others started to talk about their successful sons.
The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a company at the bottom. He studied business and began to climb the corporate ladder, and now he’s the president of the company. He’s so rich he gave his best friend a top-of-the-line Mercedes for Christmas!”
“Damn, that’s terrific!” the second guy said, “My son is also my pride and joy. He started working as a flight attendant on corporate jets. Then went to flight school to become a pilot. He became a partner where he owns the majority of the company. He is so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a Christmas gift!”
“Well that’s terrific!” the third man said. “My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer, started his own construction company, and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend: a 30,000 square foot mansion!”
The three guys are congratulating each other just as the fourth guy returns from the restroom to ask what are all the congratulations about?
One of the three guys said, “We’re talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. You have a son too, right? How’s he doing.”
The fourth man says, “My son is gay and makes his living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”
“That’s a shame…what a disappointment,” the three men mumble.
“Not at all!” the fourth man says. “I’m not ashamed at all: he’s my son and I love him. And he hasn’t done too badly for himself, either. Why, just this Christmas alone he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet, and a top-of-the-line Mercedes from his three best customers!” Continue reading “10 March 2013 – Amusements”
Good morning to you all and welcome to March. We’ve had a pretty good week, weather-wise, in beautiful, downtown Byfield. We’ve even seen the sun on a couple of occasions – it materialised through the early morning gloom on Wednesday morning like a long-delayed ship gradually emerging through the mist and fog. Amazingly, we’ve also noticed how much earlier it’s been getting light each morning and how much later it stays light in the afternoon – one could almost be forgiven for assuming that Spring can’t be far away. Indeed, the snowdrops are out and the daffodils won’t be far behind.
A women’s lib speaker was addressing a large group and said, “Where would man be today if it were not for woman?”
She paused a moment and looked around the room. “I repeat, where would man be today if it were not for woman?”
From the back of the room came a voice, “He’d be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries.” Continue reading “3 March 2012 – Amusements”
What did I say last time? Something about basking in balmy, Spring-like weather or something similar I seem to recollect. Boy! Did I mis-speak. Temperatures have reverted to their “normal” February range with a bitterly biting easterly wind bringing sub-freezing temperatures from Scandinavia. At least we have been spared the mountains of snow they were predicting (so far – in our part of the country) which I can definitely do without. The silver lining is the frozen tundra, of course, which means that Molly returns from our walks unblemished. Continue reading “24 February 2013”
“What do you do?” the pretty young thing asked the fellow on the stool next to her at the local watering hole.
“I’m a carnival performer,” he said. “I do amazing mental tricks.”
“Really? Like what?” she asked.
“The most amazing one is, I can feel a woman’s breasts, and tell the exact day she was born.”
“No way!”
“Yes, really.”
“OK, try it on me,” she said.
He reached over, put his hands up her shirt, and started poking, prodding, caressing, and gently pinching. He was clearly concentrating, but didn’t say a word.
“Well?” she finally she demanded after about two minutes. “When was I born?!”
“I’ve got it exactly,” he said, with one final squeeze. “Yesterday.” Continue reading “24 February 2013 – Amusements”
Good morning to you all. Boy, did our weather change in a heartbeat! One evening we went to bed with about six to eight inches of snow on the ground and temperatures hovering just below freezing. The next day we wake up to no snow and temperatures a balmy, Spring-like 46o. We’d had rain over night as well as rising temperatures and naturally, with so much snow on the ground, there was widespread flooding. Our regular trek around the Edgecote estate was impassable due to the flooded Cherwell – not even Penelope with her high-legged Wellingtons was able to cross the river this time! Continue reading “17 February 2013”
An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time. The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols.
The mystic chose the Thermos bottle.
“Why a Thermos bottle?” the others asked.
“Because the Thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer.”
“Yes, so what?”
“Think about it,” said the mystic reverently. “That little bottle – how does it know?” Continue reading “17 February 2013 – Amusements”
Good morning to you all and have we got a lot to get through this morning!
I’ve had a very disconcerting time this week. A week ago last Wednesday I developed a cold – it started with a sore throat and then, by about Friday or Saturday, it had moved up into my ears. Fortunately, it never developed into a stonkingly bad cold and the symptoms have been considerately mild apart from the fact that both my ear canals are completely stuffed and I am (still, eleven days later) wandering around in a world of virtual silence. It’s like living perpetually under water (although without the issues one would face with regard to breathing); the sounds that one can hear are muted and seem distant – I’m sure you’ve all had similar experiences and know what I mean. Continue reading “10 February 2013”
