Posts

Posted on

10 November 2013 – Amusements

An elderly rabbi wants to try pork before he dies. But terrified that one of his flock might see him, he drives 50 miles to a posh restaurant. They offer him a whole suckling piglet, and bring it out on a silver tray with garnish and an apple in its mouth.

Just as he is about to tuck in, he is appalled to see Goldberg, the president of his congregation. But he recovers. “Hey, Goldberg, how about this restaurant? I order a baked apple, and this is how they serve it!” Continue reading “10 November 2013 – Amusements”

Posted on

3 November 2013

Well, we survived the great storm of 2013, expected to be the worst storm to hit the British Isles in 25 years! It raced through on Sunday night/Monday morning with hurricane force winds and buckets of rain. The original map of the predicted track had it coming straight through our back garden but it seems that it crossed a little further south and, as a consequence, we had a lot of rain but thankfully no excessive winds. There have been a couple of fatalities in the south and quite a bit of structural damage so, on the whole, we got off lightly. Looks like the Netherlands and Belgium received the brunt of the storm instead of us. Continue reading “3 November 2013”

Posted on

3 November 2013 – Amusements

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that: first, you have to be single and second, you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I am single and I’m Catholic too!

“OK,” the nun says “Pull into the next alley.”

He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child,” said the nun. “Why are you crying?”

“Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

“That’s OK,” the nun says. “My name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.” Continue reading “3 November 2013 – Amusements”

Posted on

27 October 2013

Good morning. I hope you’ve all had a lovely week. Ours was fairly miserable for the first part of the week although Wednesday and Thursday were outstanding – clear, bright blue skies and very acceptably moderate temperatures. Still, the sun is lower in the sky every morning, the leaves continue to turn and then fling themselves to the ground and the clocks went back to “proper” time this morning – yep, Autumn marches onwards and the grimy, grinding winter won’t be far behind.

By the wonders of technology, this is coming to you even though we’re not at home – we are enjoying a couple of days respite on the south coast with our friends Sue & Stuart. Continue reading “27 October 2013”

Posted on

27 October 2013 – Amusements

Two Priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their “tourist” garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a “drop dead gorgeous” topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They could not help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said “Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a very revealing string bottom, took her sweet time walking toward them. And again, they couldn’t help but stare.

Again she nodded at each of them, saying “Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father,” as she passed by. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and called after her.

“Just a minute young lady!”

“Yes, Father?” she said as she stopped and turned back.

“We are priests and are proud of it, but I have to know: how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?”

The woman smiled, bent over a bit, and pulled off her sunglasses. “Father,” she said in a purr, “don’t you recognize me? It’s me — Sister Katherine!” Continue reading “27 October 2013 – Amusements”

Posted on

20 October 2013

Thursday last week was one of those delightfully glorious, bright, sunny, “fresh” autumn mornings which provided a welcome alternative to the dank, dark, dreary, drizzly days we endured for much of the rest of the week. I mowed the lawn and Penelope continued with her task of re-pointing the patio. Still, I guess it’s true – autumn is really here and winter won’t be far behind. Hmmm.

Continue reading “20 October 2013”

Posted on

13 October 2013

Good morning and what a beautiful week we’ve had (well, up until Friday, that is). Bright, sunny skies, for the most part, and exceedingly moderate temperatures. Not quite an Indian summer, I guess, but certainly very, very acceptable. Toward the end of the week, however, the temperatures began to plummet (winds from the Arctic, of course) and brought us the sort of Autumnal weather to which we have grown accustomed in years gone by. One might also describe it as “crisp” which is certainly an adjective which could be used to describe Autumn temperatures. Continue reading “13 October 2013”

Posted on

13 October 2013 – Amusements

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?” He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner.

His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. “I was totally humiliated,” he moaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.”

“What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother.

“We hadn’t started eating yet.” Continue reading “13 October 2013 – Amusements”

Posted on

6 October 2013

Good morning to you all on what I hope is a pleasantly autumnal morning (apart, of course, from those of our friends living in the southern hemisphere where we trust it is a gorgeously delightful spring-like day). Certainly here autumn is creeping in as the days get shorter and the nights longer, although it has been and is still pleasantly mild. We’ve had a somewhat mixed week, both in terms of the weather we’ve been enduring and the activities we’ve been subjected to. Continue reading “6 October 2013”