The Befouled Weakly News

Erik Benson sent this along the other day:

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered
to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction. Continue reading “13 July 2014 – Amusements”

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.

“What for?!?!?” he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: “Twenty dollars contempt of court! That’s why!”

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:

“That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”

The young man replied, “I know. But I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.” Continue reading “6 July 2014 – Amusements”

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.” Making a mental note so I could complain to my local police about this running amok security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed.

After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my debit card. Nonetheless, I’ve been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions a little more clear. Continue reading “29 June 2014 – Amusements”

Pretty sure we’ve had this before:

Two immigrants have just arrived in the United States and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.”

“Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we are going live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”

Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. “Two dogs, please,” she says.

The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their “dogs.” One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, “What part did you get?” Continue reading “22 June 2014 – Amusements”

A young couple had a five-year-old son who seemed normal in every way except one. Never in his whole life had he uttered a word. Naturally, the parents took him to speech therapists, child psychologists and psychiatrists, none of whom could explain his condition, let alone teach him to talk. Resigned to the idea that he would be mute all his life, they provided a good home with lots of love.

One morning he came to breakfast as usual and about halfway through, he looked around and said, “The toast is burned.”

Flabbergasted, the parents expressed their amazement and asked, “Why have you never spoken before?”

The child calmly replied, “Well, up to now, everything’s been okay.” Continue reading “15 June 2014 – Amusements”