You will all be mightily relieved, I’m sure, to know that we survived the weekend with Annabelle and have just about recovered from the exertions. She was good as gold and, of course, we had a marvellous time. She was a bit unsettled the first night and ended up in our bed with Penny – I was relegated to one of the spare bedrooms which was, I gather, just as well as Pen says she squirmed and wriggled all night. My goodness, not only does she have boundless energy but she even expends some of it while asleep! Continue reading “31 August 2014”
31 August 2014 – Amusements
This came from Dad.
LOGICAL AND LEGAL
A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.
Student: “Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?”
Professor: “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?”
Student: “OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as they are. If you can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an “A”.
Professor: “Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?”
Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? ”
The professor wracks his famous brain, but just couldn’t crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark into an “A” as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.
The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? ”
To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.
“All right” says the professor, and asks his favourite student to answer.
“It’s quite easy, sir” says the student. “You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him an “A”, which is neither logical nor legal !!” Continue reading “31 August 2014 – Amusements”
24 August 2014
A distinctly cooler spell of weather this week – it seems like summer may indeed be receding from view in our rear-view mirror. It’s still been a pleasant enough week – no great deluges of rain in spite of the occasional dark foreboding skies – but significantly cooler than the temperatures we were enjoying before the remnants of hurricane Bertha passed through. Unfortunately, the Guardian had an article on Monday announcing that this was, indeed, the end of summer.
Forecasters said there was “not much to be optimistic about” as temperatures look set to remain below average with spells of rain throughout the rest of August.
After basking in a glorious heatwave for much of July, the curse of the typical British summer has struck again.
24 August 2014 – Amusements
Bob a young journalism graduate from Tennessee had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to Bob and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas.
Deep in the woods, Bob came upon a farmer’s house and decided this would be a good place to start. He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Dick) agreed to answer his questions.
Bob asked Farmer Dick what event in his life had made him the happiest? Farmer Dick replied, “One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all had sex with it, we took it back to the farmer that lost it.”
“I can’t print that,” said Bob, the reporter. “Is there another event that made you really happy?”
Farmer Dick thought for a minute and said, “Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin’ young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us had sex with her, we took her back to her daddy.”
Again Bob knew he couldn’t print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Dick, “Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?”
Farmer Dick hung his head and replied, “Well, I got lost once.” Continue reading “24 August 2014 – Amusements”
17 August 2014
After the dire predictions of the wrath that hurricane Bertha was forecast to wreak, I have to say that we got off pretty lightly. Not sure that she deposited a month’s worth of rain in a day as they had projected, at least not in our neighbourhood anyway. Certainly there were lashings and lashings of rain on Monday but not the high winds that had been predicted, fortunately. She came, she did a bit of pissing about on everyone and then she left. Still, the weather has been considerably cooler in the aftermath with largely cloudy and overcast skies and the occasional thunderous downpour through the rest of the week. Continue reading “17 August 2014”
17 August 2014 – Amusements
A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend, “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband’s home early!”
The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “It’s raining out there!”
She said, “If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!”
So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window. As he began running down the street, he discovered he had run right in the middle of a town marathon, so he started running along beside the others. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.
One of the runners asked him, “Do you always run in the nude?”
He answered, while gasping for air, “Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running.”
The next runner then asked the nude man, “Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?”
The nude man answered breathlessly, “Oh, yes, that way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
A third runner asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
Without missing a beat he replied, “Only when it’s raining.” Continue reading “17 August 2014 – Amusements”
10 August 2014
Another good to terrific week of weather! We had a bit of rain on Tuesday but not enough to get worked up about and, of course, the gardens need it after our lengthy spell of dry, sunny weather. To be fair when we did get some rain it came in the form of thunderous downpours and the humidity has been on the overly-generous scale but, on the whole, a very good week.
Having said all that, the forecasters are suggesting that we will pick up the tail end of Hurricane Bertha which they expect to dump up to a month’s worth of rain in a few hours later today! Continue reading “10 August 2014”
10 August 2014 – Amusements
We’ve had it before but what the thit!
A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp between two missing teeth, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you have widdle bunny wabbits?”
The shopkeeper’s heart melts, and he gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level and asks, “Do you want a widdle white bunny wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack bunny wabbit? Or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown bunny over there?”
She, in turn, blushes, rocks back on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a tiny quiet voice, “I don’t know. I don’t think my boa conthricter givths a thit. Continue reading “10 August 2014 – Amusements”
3 August 2014
Another really good week (mainly). More hot & sunny weather, more barbeques and lovely summer evenings. Yesterday brought a bit of a departure from the norm – pounding rain showers with thunder but today is supposed to be lovely again. Fingers crossed. Continue reading “3 August 2014”
3 August 2014 – Amusements
A very confident Marine Corps Pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
The Pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”
The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties….”
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”
The Fighter Pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Damn thing’s an hour fast.” Continue reading “3 August 2014 – Amusements”