Month: July 2014

A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn’t get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away.

Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

He said, “Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”

“Oh,” said the waitress, “I thought you wanted more coffee.” Continue reading “27 July 2014 – Amusements”

A variation on one we’ve had before but with a different punchline.

One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, “What the heck are you doing? You’re going to get us killed!”

Then the driver responded, “Don’t worry, my mother always drives like this.”

So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that, too, was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, “I thought I told you, you’re gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!”

The driver looked at the passenger and responded, “All right! I get it, but I told you my mother drives like this all the time!”

Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time it was green. The driver slammed on his breaks and stopped the car totally. “What the heck are you doing?”

The passenger screamed. “This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?”

“Well, my mother might be coming the other way,” the driver said. Continue reading “20 July 2014 – Amusements”

Erik Benson sent this along the other day:

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered
to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction. Continue reading “13 July 2014 – Amusements”

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.

“What for?!?!?” he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: “Twenty dollars contempt of court! That’s why!”

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:

“That’s all right. You don’t have to pay now.”

The young man replied, “I know. But I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.” Continue reading “6 July 2014 – Amusements”