So much to get through and so little time! That seems to be the story of my life. We need to reflect, a bit, on the Citizenship “Do” we held a few weeks ago as well as our recent sojourn in the States which is already beginning to become but a fading memory.
27 April 2014 – Amusements
Why I Like Retirement!
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favourite….
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING….. Saturday & Sunday, I rest. Continue reading “27 April 2014 – Amusements”
20 April 2014
As I thought last time, we’ve either been too busy or having too much fun to get anything together this week. Sorry! A few photos from Lake George will have to suffice, I’m afraid.
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Love to you all,
Greg
20 April 2014 – Amusements
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. It was the first day of class, and the teacher told them now that they were in grade school, the rule is, “No baby talk!”
“You need to use ‘Big People’ words,” she told them.
So with that clear, she began by asking John (not Johnny!) what he had done over summer vacation.
“We went to visit my Nana,” he said.
“No,” the teacher replied, “you went to visit your grandmother. No baby talk! Use ‘Big People’ words!”
She then asked Michelle what she had done over vacation.
“We took a ride on a choo-choo!” she replied.
“No,” she said. “You took a ride on a train. You must remember to use ‘Big People’ words.”
She then asked little Alex what he had done.
“I read a book,” he replied.
“That’s wonderful!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”
Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,
“Winnie the Shit!” Continue reading “20 April 2014 – Amusements”
13 April 2014
At first I didn’t believe it but Thursday’s multiple sightings confirmed my first impressions – the swallows are back. I saw half a dozen or so swooping across the fields and the river as Molly and I trudged our way around the Edgecote estate. No enquiries yet concerning the accommodation we usually make available to them in the garage but I’m sure the estate agents will be bringing some prospective tenants around shortly.
It looks like Spring is going to come after all! Continue reading “13 April 2014”
13 April 2014 – Amusements
We’ve had this before but it never gets old because it is so accurate!
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,” Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the woman. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help so far.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault!” Continue reading “13 April 2014 – Amusements”
6 April 2014
We had a lovely couple of days this week – on Thursday a leisurely outing in the Cotswolds on what would have been a lovely spring day were it not for adverse meteorological conditions and, on Friday, a walk with our favourite granddaughter up the lane at the top of the hill to the secret grotto hideout of various neighbourhood gnomes. Continue reading “6 April 2014”
6 April 2014 – Amusements
Sarah had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets had been installed in her kitchen.
A few days later, a neighbour came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbour added, “All of us were so glad that the fire on your stove your husband had when cooking fried eggs while you were gone was confined to the kitchen.” Continue reading “6 April 2014 – Amusements”