Good morning to you all. Hope you’ve all had a good week and that those of you who have been enduring unusual or extreme weather have seen its impact mitigated. We were intrigued to read Pam’s weekly Whiner and reflect on the change in temperature at the Lake moving from minus a million to a balmy, spring-like 50o F in a few days. Crazy! We’ve had a few chilly and frosty days but the latter part of the week has been relatively mild for the time of year, much to the disorientation of our local flora and fauna – the song birds are busily performing symphonies in an effort to attract a partner for the season and the buds on the trees, shrubs and bushes are beginning to show signs of action. I haven’t the heart to tell them it’s only mid-January and the worst is yet to come! Still, lots and lots of rain and continuing flooded rivers but not quite so bad as in the past few weeks – still every bit as muddy, though, much to Molly’s chagrin. Continue reading “19 January 2014”
19 January 2014 – Amusements
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a massive pile-up on the motorway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but. . . there was one aspect of the accident which you need to be aware of. I’m trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your penis was chopped clean off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.”
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You’ve got £9000 compensation to come to you from the insurance company and we have the technology now to build you a new penis that will work as well as your old one did – better in fact! But. . . the thing is, it doesn’t come cheap. It’s £1000 an inch.”
The man perks up at this.
“So,” the doctor says, “It’s for you to decide how many inches you want on your new penis. But it’s something you’d better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for nine inches, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision..”
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken with your wife?”
“I have,” says the man.
“And what is the decision?” asks the doctor.
“We’re having granite worktops in our new kitchen.” Continue reading “19 January 2014 – Amusements”