Good morning to you all on what is expected to be a wet and windy day in beautiful downtown Byfield and throughout much of the UK. Just what we need! We have had a few glorious days this past week – bright, bright clear blue skies with mild temperatures and, of course, lots of mud for Molly to attract on our strolls. We’ve also had a couple of very frosty mornings when no hosing of the dog is required but this weekend, apparently, we are due to be “back to normal” with dull, grey skies and more and more rain. The Environment Agency is predicting more flooding and in Somerset they have declared a “major incident” which is rather similar to what happens in the States when a “state of emergency” is announced. Places in Somerset have been underwater since the beginning of January and whole villages have been cut off and indeed even abandoned. Continue reading “26 January 2014”
26 January 2014 – Amusements
A Red Sox fan goes into a Boston pub and spots a guy wearing a New York Yankees cap. “Drinks for everyone here, bartender!” shouts the Red Sox fan, “Except for Mr. Yankee.”
The Yankee fan smiles and says, “Thank you.”
Infuriated, the Red Sox fan orders another round of drinks for everyone except Mr. Yankee. This goes on for a while until Mr. Red Sox asks the bartender, “What’s the matter with that guy? I’ve ordered rounds of drinks for everyone but him and all he does is thank me. Is he nuts?”
“No, he’s not nuts,” says the bartender, “He owns the place.” Continue reading “26 January 2014 – Amusements”
19 January 2014
Good morning to you all. Hope you’ve all had a good week and that those of you who have been enduring unusual or extreme weather have seen its impact mitigated. We were intrigued to read Pam’s weekly Whiner and reflect on the change in temperature at the Lake moving from minus a million to a balmy, spring-like 50o F in a few days. Crazy! We’ve had a few chilly and frosty days but the latter part of the week has been relatively mild for the time of year, much to the disorientation of our local flora and fauna – the song birds are busily performing symphonies in an effort to attract a partner for the season and the buds on the trees, shrubs and bushes are beginning to show signs of action. I haven’t the heart to tell them it’s only mid-January and the worst is yet to come! Still, lots and lots of rain and continuing flooded rivers but not quite so bad as in the past few weeks – still every bit as muddy, though, much to Molly’s chagrin. Continue reading “19 January 2014”
19 January 2014 – Amusements
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a massive pile-up on the motorway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, but. . . there was one aspect of the accident which you need to be aware of. I’m trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your penis was chopped clean off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.”
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You’ve got £9000 compensation to come to you from the insurance company and we have the technology now to build you a new penis that will work as well as your old one did – better in fact! But. . . the thing is, it doesn’t come cheap. It’s £1000 an inch.”
The man perks up at this.
“So,” the doctor says, “It’s for you to decide how many inches you want on your new penis. But it’s something you’d better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for nine inches, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision..”
The man agrees to talk with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken with your wife?”
“I have,” says the man.
“And what is the decision?” asks the doctor.
“We’re having granite worktops in our new kitchen.” Continue reading “19 January 2014 – Amusements”
12 January 2014
We’ve had a pretty good albeit somewhat mixed patch of weather this week – some very nice bright, crisp, sunny mornings, some overcast and drizzly days and some more torrential downpours (but mainly during the night which is more or less acceptable). The recreation ground is a quagmire so Molly gets a hosing down both in the morning and in the afternoon following our walk around the Edgecote estate. She’s not happy about it but reluctantly comes to the faucet and stands still while one sprays her legs, paws and undercarriage. The worst aspect from her point of view is that she’s not allowed into the lounge, her favourite slumbering spot, until she is dry. Naturally, this prompts a series of intermittent barks as she demands to be let in. What is it about “no” that she doesn’t understand? Continue reading “12 January 2014”
12 January 2014 – Amusements
Mary tried her hand at baking cinnamon rolls for the first time. She put them on the breakfast table, and Jack picked one up and took a bite. Mary waited for several minutes for the compliment that never came. Finally, she asked, “How much do you think I would get if I sold those cinnamon rolls commercially?”
“Oh, no more than ten years,” Jack replied, never putting down the morning paper. Continue reading “12 January 2014 – Amusements”
5 January 2014
Happy New Year to you all. I hope your New Year’s celebrations were everything you hoped they might be and the New Year brings you peace, health and happiness. We marked the beginning of the New Year in the manner to which we have become accustomed over previous years – sound asleep. Why spoil the habits of a lifetime?
I would like to say that the New Year dawned with a gloriously sunny morning with clear skies and moderate temperatures. Unfortunately, that would be untrue. The New Year dawned with more rain and it continued to sheet down all day – more floods all over the country, I’m afraid. And, it’s still going on. The Environment Agency has issued a record number of severe weather warnings for this weekend and folks are being advised not to go out to watch the storm waves from coastal paths and sea fronts – a number of people have already lost their lives having been swept out to sea by the huge waves. Continue reading “5 January 2014”
5 January 2014 – Amusements
A week or so late and a variation on one we’ve had before (I think). This came from our friend Julie in Australia and originally referred to Canberra. We’ve altered it to make it more appropriate for the majority of our readership.
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the nation’s Capital this Christmas season.
This isn’t for any religious reason. They simply have not been able to find Three Wise Men in Washington!!
The search for a Virgin continues.
There was no problem, however, finding enough donkeys to fill the stable. Continue reading “5 January 2014 – Amusements”