Month: September 2012

Posted on

30 September 2012

Good morning on a reasonably splendid-looking morning with the added bonus of a favourable weather forecast for the day. Quite a contrast to the beginning of the week when parts of the UK had two months’ worth of rain in two days which, not surprisingly, led to widespread flooding. As the Guardian put it:

Britain’s Indian summer has been turned into little more than a wistful memory after almost the entire average rainfall for September fell within 24 hours.

We’ll have to wait and see if Sunday/Monday’s deluge was but a brief interruption to some fine, Indian summer-type weather or whether we are due to settle back into our normal routine of rain, rain, and then, just for a change, more rain. Continue reading “30 September 2012”

Posted on

30 September 2012 – Amusements

A variation on one we’ve had before:

A famous lawyer, who had been a public defender for years, dies. He finds himself standing at the back of an enormous queue outside the gates of Heaven. The queue before him is enormous. The number of people who die in a single day appals him. He can barely see St Peter sitting up on a podium outside the gates with a large book.

Every now and then St Peter glances down the queue to see how he is going. Suddenly he catches the eye of the lawyer. He looks very surprised. He jumps down from the podium and comes running along the line until slightly out of breath he arrives beside the lawyer. He embraces him. He pulls him out of the queue and motions for him to come to the front of the queue.

Another person questions what is happening and another angel speaks to the person. Word is passed along the queue and the lawyer is surprised, as people start nodding and clapping. He becomes embarrassed by all the attention and asks St Peter why he is getting the special attention.

St Peter stops suddenly and looks concerned.

“You are a lawyer aren’t you?’

“Yes” the lawyer replies. “Does this happen to all lawyers in heaven?”

“Oh, no, “Said St Peter. “It’s just you are the first one to ever get here.” Continue reading “30 September 2012 – Amusements”

Posted on

23 September 2012 – Amusements

A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.

There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.

The housewife replied: “Ah, he’s not that friendly. That’s his bowl you’re using.” Continue reading “23 September 2012 – Amusements”

Posted on

16 September 2012

Good morning on what looks like it could be a half decent sort of day. And, indeed, it’s been a half decent sort of week – mainly sunny and warmish although the mornings have a distinct autumnal feeling and the Boston Ivy on the fences is beginning to show the first flashes of crimson. Still, I did get a couple of decent bike rides in this week which, as I am definitely a “fair weather” cyclist, is clearly a sign of a half-decent week, weather-wise. Today is a bit cloudy and overcast but yesterday was gorgeous (and warm) and the forecast for the next few days is reasonable. Perhaps this is that Indian summer we’ve been hoping for.

Continue reading “16 September 2012”

Posted on

16 September 2012 – Amusements

It was rumoured that a particular Native American had a fantastic memory. Hundreds of people asked the Indian questions which he was able to answer. A sceptical young man set out to find this Indian. When he did, he thought he’d conduct a test.

After standing in a long queue of people asking questions it was finally his turn. He asked the Indian what he had had for breakfast 10 years ago. The Indian replied, “Eggs.”

The young man went off not entirely satisfied because there was no evidence to prove that the answer was correct.

Ten years later the man comes across the Indian again. Very pleased to see him he greets him in the stereo-typical “How.”

The Indian looks up at him, pauses for a moment and then replies, “Scrambled.” Continue reading “16 September 2012 – Amusements”

Posted on

9 September 2012 – Amusements

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back. . .”

“But officer, I just wanted to say. . .”

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”  Continue reading “9 September 2012 – Amusements”

Posted on

2 September 2012

Good morning and welcome to a very autumnal-feeling beginning of September. Since we didn’t have a summer this year, I suppose it’s logical that Autumn should start before the end of August. As I was out walking Molly on Friday morning I met a fellow dog-walker who made the same observation – the morning was “fresh” and, were it not for the swallows swooping and feeding over the recreation ground one could easily be forgiven for mistaking the date for early October. Let’s hope we get some sort of an Indian summer before we descend into the depths of winter. Continue reading “2 September 2012”

Posted on

2 September 2012 – Amusements

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”

St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!” Continue reading “2 September 2012 – Amusements”