My goodness, there is so much to get through this week I hardly know where to begin. As I said last time, this stuff really writes itself. It’s just that this week both the Government and the Royal Family have been in such fine form that I’m not sure we’ve got room to cover everything in one week’s issue. But first, a brief weather update – mainly grey, mainly damp and mainly an unsatisfactory conclusion to the month of August. Continue reading “26 August 2012”
26 August 2012 – Amusements
A man comes home from a night of drinking with the boys. As he falls through the doorway of his house, his wife snaps at him, “what’s the big idea coming home half drunk?”
The man replies, “I’m sorry, honey. I ran out of money.” Continue reading “26 August 2012 – Amusements”
19 August 2012
I have to confess – the Olympics turned out considerably better than many of us would have guessed. I admit to being one of those who anticipated some sort of systemic mishap, an expectation which was considerably enhanced when the organisers displayed the South Korean flag for the appearance of North Korea’s women’s football team the day before the official opening. That, taken with the fiasco of the security arrangements in the days before the games opened, would have supported the perception that the proverbial piss-up in a brewery would be beyond the organising skills of those responsible. However, those particular glitches (and a few other minor misunderstandings) apart, the whole event seems to have been a resounding success.
19 August 2012 – Amusements
I walked into my sister’s kitchen and found my nephew, Mitch, having a snack. “Where’s your mother?” I asked.
“She said she was going to take a shower. Just a second and I’ll see.” Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. An indignant yell came from above. Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, “Yep, she’s in the shower.” Continue reading “19 August 2012 – Amusements”
12 August 2012
Another fine week passes us by. Fine in the sense of “well, at least it didn’t rain all week long and was only grey and gloomy for much of it.” Indeed, the end of the week included some absolutely lovely days with some bright sunshine and some blue skies accompanied by moderately warm and pleasant temperatures. The ritual incineration of the Best Hamburgers in the World took place on Thursday evening and very fine they were too. Continue reading “12 August 2012”
12 August 2012 – Amusements
Penny and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night. “Did you smell that food?” she asked. “Incredible!”
Being the nice guy I am, I thought, “What the heck, I’ll give her a treat.” So I turned and walked her past it again. Continue reading “12 August 2012 – Amusements”
5 August 2012
Good morning to you all. I hope everything is fine and dandy with you! We’ve had a mixed week weather-wise so I may have to hold off on last week’s pronouncement that we were about to enjoy uninterrupted glorious sunshine for the next seventeen months. Smatterings of sunshine, lots of cloud and grey skies, a fair number of showers interspersed with the occasional deluge of Biblical proportions. In other words, a typical English summer. Continue reading “5 August 2012”
5 August 2012 – Amusements
Peter was telling a friend that he had just lost his job.
“Why did the foreman fire you?” the friend asked in surprise.
“Oh,” Peter said, “you know how foreman are. They stand around with their hands in their pockets watching everybody else work.”
“We all know that,” replied his friend. “But why did he let you go?”
“Jealousy,” answered Pete. “All the other workers thought I was the foreman.” Continue reading “5 August 2012 – Amusements”