My goodness, what a busy, busy week we’ve had. And, to make things even better, the weather in the second half of the week has been fairly marvellous – bright clear skies and temperatures reaching into the mid-70s – a veritable heat wave for the UK! I’m afraid there is too much to relate this week so you’re going to get the current narrative spread over two weeks. That means you will have to wait until next time for a detailed description of Ms Playchute’s Sixty Sensational Celebratory Surprises which began on Thursday with Ben’s arrival for her birthday party yesterday evening. In the meantime, though, you will have to put up with an account of last weekend’s entertainments which included a terrific day out in the big city with the usual suspects. Continue reading “27 May 2012”
27 May 2012 – Amusements
One day, a seamstress was sewing while sitting next to a river, and she dropped her thimble into the water. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “My dear child, why are you crying?”
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with pearls.
“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, “No, sir.”
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble ringed with sapphires.
“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.
Again, the seamstress replied, “No, sir.”
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
“Is this your thimble?” the Lord asked.
The seamstress smiled and replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the woman’s honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
“Is this your husband?” the Lord asked.
“Yes!” cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. “You lied!”
The seamstress replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord — it is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said ‘no’ to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I’m not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so that’s why I said ‘yes’ to George Clooney.”
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of the story: Whenever a woman lies, it’s for a good and honourable reason, and in the best interest of others.
Signed,
20 May 2012
A very good morning to you all.
Penelope and I have been considering replacing some of our windows and French doors. One of the “problems” this house has is that it was built by a chap who then ran off with his secretary sometime before its completion. As a result, the doors and windows stood exposed to the elements for about three years before finally being protected with a coat of varnish and stain. As a consequence, several are in a sad state of repair, especially those on the south-facing elevation. Continue reading “20 May 2012”
20 May 2012 – Amusments
“Get this,” said one drinker to his friends at the bar, “Last night while I was here with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
“Did he get anything?” his friends asked.
“Yeah, a broken jaw, two teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.” Continue reading “20 May 2012 – Amusments”
13 May 2012
Good morning from soggy downtown Byfield. Apparently, it rained pretty much non-stop while we were in the States; it’s been grey, miserable and damp pretty much non-stop since we got home although we did see the sun a few times at the end of the week. No sign of the end of our hosepipe ban, of course. In spite of the floods, we’re still in the midst of the worst drought in 25 years. Continue reading “13 May 2012”
13 May 2012 – Amusements
Jack walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, Jack started to leave.
“Excuse me,” said a customer who was puzzled over what Jack had done, “What was that all about?”
“Ah, it was nothin’,” said Jack, “my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.” Continue reading “13 May 2012 – Amusements”
6 May 2012
And so, in a heartbeat, it is over. We had a great ten days visiting with Mom and Dad, Steph and Hope, Sandy and Pam, Susie and our good friends Chip and Leca Boynton. Can anyone explain why these visits, so long in the anticipation, fly by in a flash?
The flight home was long and tedious but smooth and straight-forward; it left Logan on time, arrived at Heathrow just ten or fifteen minutes late, immigration let me back into the country without too many tricky questions, our luggage was waiting on the carousel for Penelope when she breezed through customs, when I eventually emerged from my interrogations we walked out to meet the bus waiting to take us to our car and, apart from a short delay on the motorway due to an earlier accident, we had a smooth drive home. Penelope managed to snore her way from about Newfoundland to Iceland; I slept not a wink on the flight – I always find it very difficult to find a suitably comfortable position in which to snooze, especially when the person in front of you is reclining comfortably with her head in your lap. Still, a few days should see us right again. Continue reading “6 May 2012”
6 May 2012 – Amusements
This is particularly for our pal Pete and his love and admiration for the Chicago Cubs:
60 above – Floridians wear coats, gloves, and woolly hats.
Chicago people sunbathe.
50 above – New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Chicago people plant gardens.
40 above – Italian cars won’t start.
Chicago people drive with the windows down.
32 above – Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan’s water gets thicker.
20 above – Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.
15 above – New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.
0 degrees – Californians fly away to Mexico.
Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt.
20 below – People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicago people get out their winter coats.
40 below – Hollywood disintegrates.
Chicago’s Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
60 below – Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Chicago’s Boy Scouts postpone “Winter Survival” classes until it gets cold enough.
80 below – Mount St. Helen’s freezes.
Chicago people rent some videos.
100 below – Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Chicago people get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.
297 below – Microbial life survives on dairy products.
Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 below – ALL atomic motion stops.
Chicago people start saying. . . “Cold ’nuff for ya??”
500 below – Hell freezes over.
The Chicago Cubs win the World Series. Continue reading “6 May 2012 – Amusements”