Good morning from beautiful downtown Huletts Landing at Lake George. As some of you will know, Ms Playchute and I flew into Boston on Tuesday and descended on Steph and Hope, much to their eternal disappointment. Susie arrived on Thursday evening and on Friday we drove over to the Lake with Mom and Dad. Yesterday we greeted our good friend Chip Boynton and his lovely wife Leca for the weekend so I hope you will appreciate that you are lucky to get any sort of correspondence this morning. (I guess many of you will feel that you are extraordinarily unlucky to receive this week’s edition and you would probably be right). Continue reading “29 April 2012”
29 April 2012 – Amusements
I think we’ve had a variation of this one before but what the heck:
Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal’s office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” Guess where I am now…?
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?”
“Morris Feinberg,” he replied.
“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a f***ing wall!”
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, the policeman was interrupted by a 6 year-old looking up and down his uniform. She asked. “Are you a policeman?”
“Yes,” he answered and continued writing the report.
“My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?”
“Yes, that’s right, the policeman told her.
“Well, then,” the little girl said as she extended her foot toward him, “would you please tie my shoe?”
22 April 2012
More April showers this week followed by sunny intervals followed by more and more April showers! Good job there’s a water shortage so that we can keep hold of all this water. Oh, I forgot – most of the rain is making its way into the rivers and streams and cascading its way merrily to the sea. Hosepipe bans for the indefinite future, I guess. Continue reading “22 April 2012”
22 April 2012 – Amusements
Jay went to a psychiatrist. “Doc, he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” said the shrink. “Come to me three times a week and I’ll cure you.”
“How much do you charge?”
“A hundred dollars per visit.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Jay never went back. Sometime later he met the doctor on the street.
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.
“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars.”
“Is that so! How?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.” Continue reading “22 April 2012 – Amusements”
15 April 2012
Now this is more like what we’re used to – we’ve had April Showers in abundance this week which is undoubtedly good news for the water table. No danger of our hosepipe ban being lifted, of course, but we desperately need the rain so can’t complain, really. Continue reading “15 April 2012”
15 April 2012 – Amusements
A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog becomes excited, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”
“No,” says the psychic, “in her biology class.” Continue reading “15 April 2012 – Amusements”
8 April 2012
Boy! I couldn’t have been more accurate when I said last week that Spring was great while it lasted. The last week of March was sensational – clear, sunny and warm! This week we’ve had the return of Arctic conditions with a stern north-easterly wind accompanied by the occasional downpour of rain, sleet, hail together with a smattering of snowflakes. Just have a look at yesterday’s forecast for the Easter weekend in the neighbouring metropolis of Banbury and you’ll get a feel for what I mean. Continue reading “8 April 2012”
8 April 2012 – Amusements
A brilliant young boy was applying for a job with the railways. The interviewer asked him: “Do you know how to use the equipment?”
“Yes”, the boy replied.
“Then what would you do if you realized that two trains, one from this station and one from the next were going to crash because they were on the same track?”
The young applicant thought and replied “I’d press the button to change the points without hesitation.”
“What if the button was frozen and wouldn’t work?”
“I’d run outside and pull the lever to change the points manually”
“And if the lever was broken?”
“I’d get on the phone to the next station and tell them to change the points,” he replied.
“And if the phone was broken and needed an electrician to fix it?”
The boy thought about that one. “I’d run into town and get my uncle”
“Is your uncle an electrician?”
“No, but he’s never seen a train crash before!” Continue reading “8 April 2012 – Amusements”
1 April 2012
Well, Spring was great while it lasted. Following last week’s fine, warm weather which continued for much of this week, Friday and Saturday were decidedly cool (Penelope would say that it has been “cold”) and overcast. How typical is it that the weather takes a marked turn for the worse just in time for the weekend? Having said that, almost every day is the equivalent of a weekend for me so what do I care? Continue reading “1 April 2012”
1 April 2012 – Amusements
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.
So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.
Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.
Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, “Son, the house is just gorgeous but it’s really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it’s much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don’t need the house, but thank you anyway.”
Then she explained to her second son, “Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don’t drive and I really don’t like that driver, so please return the car.”
Next, she went to son number three and said, “Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious.” Continue reading “1 April 2012 – Amusements”