Whilst waxing lyrical about the onset of Spring in last week’s Befouled Weakly News (the sun has shone, the temperatures have been very tolerable, the daffodils are ready to burst into bloom, the birdsong is rampant, the insects are beginning to emerge from their winter slumbers and the wood pigeons in the trees outside our bedroom window are “at it” constantly, etc.), I realised that I neglected to include one of the more obvious signs of Spring, at least around these parts: the emergence of huge expanses of pale, white skin cascading out of over-short and over-tight clothing. The spectacle is enhanced for many of the men (and some of the women), with every millimetre of spare flesh covered with tattoos of various descriptions. Fortunately, this week has been somewhat chilly with grey, overcast skies and we’ve largely been spared the sight of Banburians exposing either their over-ample lily-white skin and/or the swathes of intricate tattoos. Continue reading “18 March 2012”
18 March 2012 – Amusements
A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.
“I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?”
“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.”
He said, “Do you have a real grudge?”
“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.”
“Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is ‘yes’.”
“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”
“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?”
“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me, but I have no idea what he’s talking about.” Continue reading “18 March 2012 – Amusements”